I’ve been hotly debating making this post public. I told myself that I couldn’t possibly publish it – because my discovery is so ridiculously simple. I thought this, mind you, after I made the discovery. And that realization is what changed my mind about publishing the post. I mean, if it was so easy, why did it take me 36 years to figure it out? So, it is…
A few things led me to this revelation, understanding, epiphany – whatever you want to call it – one of them being my posts over the last few weeks. There’s something about them that’s searching, grooving on happiness, achievement, exploration, soul fulfillment…that I just can’t deny.
So, this morning, I was driving in my car and I heard a Coldplay song that I love – Speed of Sound. And I remembered that about a year and a half ago, I was on a huge Coldplay kick – it was all I listened to and I let myself get lost in it. I fed that addiction fully until it was done. To not fully satiate myself would have just left me unable to do anything else anyway – as I fought the urge. And then, it hit me: when I was Coldplay-full, a new passion came along. And before Coldplay, there had been something else.
It’s a very clear pattern – that there is always something holding my attention. Be it music, a book, a movie, writing a story, a friend, a relationship, a child, a project, a food, a place. And that the lulls in between – long or short – are true breaks where I worry if something new will actually come along, and like I wrote about here, I’ll wonder if all of the ingredients and sparks have been used up and I’ll never get that feeling again.
Now, before you call Addicts Anonymous on me, you have to listen to what that feeling is: It’s the feeling of being in love. I’m addicted to it – and I don’t think it’s a bad thing. When I feel in love, I’m:
How can you argue with that? In effect, I’m addicted to feeling good – and to things that make me feel good. We’re not talking about illegal drugs here – we’re talking about things that stoke the fire.
In all honesty and despite what I’ve just shared, I have a knack for reaching for the negative as I go about my days. Somewhere in my twisted existence, I got the message that reality and (cough, cough) pain went hand in hand. That the bad side of things served a purpose: to keep me grounded in the world. But, I realized this morning, that even while that’s my M.O., some (rather loud) part of me has been on a lifelong journey to find and marinate in just the opposite…in the good, positive, love side.
The secret to life? For me, to continually search for, find and thoroughly enjoy things that make me feel in love….really feel them, soak in them, devour them until I’m done. And then keep my senses open for the next rush…
Image credit: NatalieJ