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Self-Sabotage or Self-Care?

By February 10, 2009How To, Myth or Reality, News

So, has this ever happened to you? Everything is going really well, and then boom – you get destroyed.

Let me get more specific. I’ve had an astoundingly exciting few weeks. All good things, some dreams come true. I’m sailing along, working hard, high as a kite. The reality of that last sentence looked like this: rarely sleeping and working about 80 hrs/week.

And then, out of nowhere, a kidney stone. Sidelined, stopped in my tracks, immobilized, useless.

The question looms big: is this some form of self-sabotage? or is it self-care?

Did my subconscious freak out and say, ‘Are you kidding? You can’t get all that you’ve ever dreamed! You don’t deserve that! Who do you think you are?’ And then throw the kidney stone right down the center of the lane, a perfect strike? Wedged somewhere between hell and, well, hell?


Did my subconscious take a deep maternal breath and say, ‘Here we go everyone, preparing for lift off, let’s just slide her a little stone here so we can get her to rest and relax before the big launch.’

My father is going to argue (he’s a lawyer) none of the above. He’s going to take the pragmatic route, “When your number’s up, your number’s up” or tell me this is another example of his beloved reversal theory (in this case, just when things are going really good, something bad happens).

I’m going with ‘self-care’ because: 1. It was a very mild kidney stone as far as kidney stones go. 2. I enjoyed all of the naps I’ve taken over the last 3 days. 3. Life feels a lot better when I imagine my subconscious is rooting for me 100% percent.

So, here I sit, almost back to normal (whatever ‘normal’ was) and wondering what you think. Has this happened to you? What’s your take on it? Feel free to tell me that I’m thinking waaayyyy too much…I’ll gladly blame that on the morphine.

p.s. I was going to put a picture of a kidney stone in this post, but they were so hideous, I just couldn’t do that to us.

Join the discussion 12 Comments

  • readergirl says:

    so, totally, your body’s way of saying, “yeah for you, but we have to take care of each other. so, slow down and be careful!”

  • Julie Roads says:

    I love it when you agree with me, my Twitter Sister!

  • Really great question Julie. I think about this very question a lot, actually. Getting to that point where the valleys become fewer and further between is a worthy goal, but such a challenge. It comes down to focus (funny, I’m writing a post on the very topic right now), I think. When that focus breaks, my assessment is that yes…it is a form of self-sabotage.

    The lack of discipline to maintain in the right frame of mind that allows for, and attracts, a continuation of great things is to blame. Not a week ago I was flying high and feeling like the world was opening up to me, offering everything and anything I wanted. But early this week I took a downward turn…which translated into another opportunity to explore this phenomenon.

    Why the highs and lows? Why not steady as she goes? For me, again, it comes down to not having the mental discipline to focus on the right things, consistently. That focus, of course, is a product of self esteem – what we believe we’re capable of, what we think we deserve. Lack the former and the latter remains ever elusive. That’s a big ship to turn, and it takes time.

    Boy, I’m rambling now…my apologies. For the record, though, Wednesday is looking great! Cheers.

  • Julie Roads says:

    Jeb – you are so right. I’m looking at it as a huge opportunity to explore what happened to those incredible thoughts, why did I lose that momentum – in the end, it’s another beautiful opportunity to explore our ways in this world…

  • Debra Snider says:

    I’m confident that this was an utterly random occurrence (like your father, I’m a lawyer), but if I must choose between self-sabotage and self-care, I’m going 100% for self-care. You DO deserve everything great that’s been happening to you. No way the universe thinks otherwise. You get what you give – and you’re a world-class giver!

  • Ari Herzog says:

    What’s with medical disruptions? You and kidney stones; and Chris Gabriel and colonoscopies. And yes, he did include images…

  • Amie says:

    I tend to agree with the self care theory…I’m a firm believer that things happen for a reason and in this case – you were due a “break.”

    I’m the first one to admit I don’t recognize stress (there is good stress & bad stress – but its stress all the same) and sometimes need a little nudge to recognize when I need to breathe and/or slow down.

  • Julie: Ouch! So sorry you were ill. Glad you are feeling better. I tend to look at something like a kidney stone (which takes a while to build up) more as a cosmic smack saying “pay attention to the state of your physical being a wee bit more”. Not as punishment or saboutage, but as a reminder that we are physical as well as mental beings. Balance is key.

  • --Deb says:

    Ouch, Julie! Kidney Stones?? Yow! That certainly explains the radio silence over the last few days, and the odd comment about morphine in your twitter feed earlier…

  • Ron says:

    The only thing that is constant is change. This is another example of the reversal theory.

  • JR Moreau says:

    Feel better soon!

  • Paula G says:

    I’ll go with the self-care…your body and wise self looking out for you & reminding you that full-tilt can only be sustained for so long. I’ve had the same thing happen to me. Happens especially if I get overwhelmed and lose sight of the bigger picture, the present moment, and my own (and my body’s) needs.

    Hope you are feeling MUCH better!

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