What exactly am I
Waiting for
Do I think
The answer
Will just
Present itself
Like an escape hatch
Or a magical door
Or a carpet ride
Or the warmest, safest embrace
Ease
Luck
Blessedness
Money
Ease
Did I mention Ease
Are the wares it’s hawking
This thing I want
Or do I have to pray
Which I don’t know how to do
Though I can sit silently
And sink in
And feel nothing
if not peace
Who am I to ask for anything
To ask for help
For an exit
For Ease
For what would just make everything okay
Even good
Even GOD
Even heaven?
When I don’t even
Believe it’s possible
When I can hardly imagine it
The being without the
Pain
Fear
Non-ease, of course
In the meantime
I’m working
With clay inside and out
and Pushing and prodding my intestines
and Lemon
and Bergamot
and Cinnamon
and Frankincense
and walking
and yoga
and green water
and lymph massage
and iodine
and brushing
and oil pulling
and this
and that
and the other thing
and that one, too
I don’t see a change
I don’t feel a change
I mean
Do I feel worse?
Do I?
I feel tired and sore and stiff
It all seems to be getting harder
None of what has been promised
I look older everyday
Especially in the morning
When I used to wake up beautiful
(even according to me)
And so I have
This birdfeeder
To provide for at least these birds
Woodpecker
Nuthatch
Finch
Titmouse
Chickadee-dee-dee-dee
Cardinal
Oriole
Sparrow
Blue Jay
Dove, mourning, of course
So many of those
To say – look it’s all right here
It doesn’t have to be hard
And you don’t have to work
Here is everything you need
Let me help you
It’s all right here
At least some beings can have it that easy
And at least I have a part in it
If only to be the one
To make it so
