I got a rush assignment on Friday to write the opening speech for an annual company meeting. Does that sound boring to you? Okay, keep your pants on. It gets better.
During the prep meeting, I learned that the company is not thrilled with its team’s performance. The tone of these opening remarks was to be unapologetic, in your face, take no prisoners. Terms like, ‘there are no excuses’ were tossed around. And I couldn’t help jotting down in my notes, ‘there are no points for second place’ – just like Jester said.
Oh, and then I was told that the audience is primarily men. Smart, high-performing, extremely motivated, (cocky, arrogant bastard) men. The words in the parentheses are all mine. I’m a writer, I editorialize, I can’t help it—but believe me, that was the tone. (I editorialize, but I don’t make things up—I’m not a fiction writer, after all.)
“This thing needs testosterone,’ I was told.
Remember the Brady Bunch where Marcia gets through her speech-giving nerves by imagining the audience in their underwear? Well, I just imagined this audience full of my old boyfriends.
And I had so much fun bitch-slapping them around with my words, that it took me all of 45 minutes and one draft to nail it.
Which brings me back to Reason 314 to hire a copywriter. We really can bring it—whatever kind of it you happen to need…
Image credit: khowaga1 (and yes, that is a picture of my exes in their underwear)