This memory is crystal clear.
I was on the train with my mom and my big brothers heading from Chicago to St. Louis. And I was sicker than sick. It was the stomach flu – and the rocking of the train was not helping. I remember my brothers being fine and behaving (because that’s mostly what they did). I remember the flat coke my mom had me sip (because back then we thought pouring poisonous chemicals and high fructose corn syrup into people made them feel better). I remember that coke always tasted really different when I was sick – medicinal, like it was sick too.
My five-year old self wrote a story about this stomach flu. My five-year old imagination thought that Chicago had made me sick. Because Chicago didn’t make me feel good.
Chicago…
…is my dad’s home town. And we went there often. And I didn’t like it. Please know that I love my dad more than anything, he is my most favorite man I know – but it was always a mystery to me how he came from them. Let’s see, how can I explain this to you…
- I spent a lot of time from 0-10 either on my dad’s lap or wedged next to him on his recliner.
- I have no memory of snuggling with or sitting on or being carried by my grandparents.
- My mom is a pretty darn great.
- There are two ‘Mother-in-Law Manuals’. My grandmother read the one with the skull & crossbones on it.
- My big brother Jon – who was hands-down one of the cutest kids ever (we don’t know what happened, but the tube socks of the 70’s had something to do with it, I’m sure) – was the oldest grandchild and he named my grandmother. Trying to say ‘grandma’, it came out ‘manga’. We all called her that for the rest of her life.
- How cute is that? Well, she hated it.
- I have 3 memories of my grandfather who passed away when I was 10.
- He smoked, he played the organ and would let me sit with him on his bench while he played and he called me ‘sugar’.
- At his funeral, my scary, sceevy cousin tried really hard to kiss me.
- Not in a cousinly way.
Are you getting the gist? In a childhood full of roses, the Chicago slice wasn’t.
The Stomach Flu
What happened next was very interesting – and I like to think proof of my psychic powers. For the next 8 years – ending with an 8th grade field trip – just about every time I went to Chicago (probably 7-8 more times), I got the stomach flu.
Swear to god. Ask my mom – she’s here reading with you.
The Cock Block
So, eventually around age 13, I decided I’d had enough. And so I did what anyone in my position would do – I decided that I hated Chicago. And I stopped going. I cock blocked Chicago for 23 years. Twenty-three. Believe me, I know how to hold a grudge. The most thorough astrological reading I’ve ever read about myself ends with: “July 13’s (Cancers) do not put up with duplicitous nonsense.” Cough, cough – Chicago.
Yesterday, I ended the hiatus. I’m in Chicago for an incredible conference, SOBCon. Here are some things about my stay so far:
- The architecture is beautiful.
- The only thing you need to do to get a cab is to have the thought, “A cab would be nice right about now.” (Seriously)
- I ran 6 miles this morning along the river and Lake Michigan and it was glorious.
- I’m meeting amazing people.
- The number of things I’m learning! (I’ve been here for 5 hours and I have 10 blog posts started, stay tuned)
But these are not the reasons I broke my grudge, these are simply the rewards for having done so. The reason I broke my grudge was this: I realized that it was not helping me any longer. Because as it turns out, the only one getting the cock block from the grudge – is me.
_______________________________
I’m off to look for more of these grudges (I’m sure I have additional ones in the hopper), so that I can annihilate them. You?
Image credit: Sarkasmo
Julie – what a great story! You changed the city, by changing yourself. I’d ask you if you want to go running tomorrow morning, but I’m not sure what 6 miles will feel like after the SOBCon party tonight. :-)
.-= John Haydon´s last blog ..Amplify your nonprofit event with Facebook’s new Live Stream plugin =-.
Really glad you made it this year. Still sad I missed you though. Enjoy every minute!
It is a toddling town after all. :-)
My dad’s a Cancer and he can hold a grudge with the best of them too. Glad I never got on his bad side (well, not enough for him to hold a grudge).
Just for the record, there was no high fructose corn syrup in Coke when you were five. It’s a distinctly modern (and most unwelcome) phenomenon, which coke didn’t start adding to its drinks until 1985.
Ron
.-= Ron Miller´s last blog ..LinkedIn Poll: What do you think of the HP-Palm Deal? =-.
Huh. Really? Well, I haven’t touched the stuff since the 80’s…so whatevs.
And still, Ron, coke wasn’t a health food back then – high fructose corn syrup or not.
Insightful, and well-told. (Of course.)
I like Chicago. I don’t have any really great reason for it, apart from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, but I’ve always been a fan of the town. I’ve spent maybe two hours there in my whole life, and I was twelve.
My favorite part of the story, though, is that you used the word “useful.” You could have said “reasonable” or “mature” and made it a story about growing up…but instead you made it about control.
That’s a far more powerful message. Get the most you can out of your life, however you have to do that. I love it when you tell stories of your childhood, because it’s amazing to see just how long you’ve been doing precisely that.
Enjoy your Con.
.-= Aaron Pogue´s last blog ..About the Author (Creative Writing Exercise) =-.
I’m going to make a book of your comments to me – and carry it around everywhere I go, Aaron. Like the Bible. Oh, and I’ll carry around extra copies to give to people who are mean to me.
I learned a long time ago that it took me more energy to hold a grudge that to just let it go and get over what I was pissed off about. However, I guess there were still a few I was holding onto, at least one, which you helped me eliminate in your post Trading Up (http://writingroads.wpengine.com/2010/04/trading-up/). I am glad I am here in Chicago with you exercising some of those ghosts.
.-= Andi´s last blog ..French Friday – Parisian Buzz =-.
1. I didn’t know what a cock block was until I read this. In fact, I didn’t even know there was a such thing.
2. Flat Coke really DOES work, but I have no idea why. Back in the 70s, there was this stuff called Coke Syrup that you could buy at the drug store. It was the bomb. You could be throwing up one minute, drinking Cole Syrup the next, and then be wolfing down a burrito. Seriously. I still wish they sold it, but it got taken off the market for making some kid blow up or some such.
3. Love running in Chicago.
4. I dare you to eat a Chicago hot dog while you are there. You know, just to expand your comfort zone.Maybe have a Coke on the side. Then wash it all down with some enzymes.
5. Have a great time!!
.-= Alisa Bowman´s last blog ..What are your turn offs and turn ons? =-.
I’m sitting on the boat on a glorious morning and should be up breathing the salt air. But instead I decided to go to writingroads.com. Hmmmmm. Coincidental? Serendipitous?
I’m holding a big fat grudge and won’t tell why (small town, you know).
I grew up in Chicago (no, obviously, not why).
Strong. Noisy. Proud. Alive. Home.
My parents and grandparents were from there. While we lived in the (very-close-in) ‘burbs, Dad took the train back and forth each day to the grinding, windy, screech-of-the-L, walk-the-bridge-over-the-river-to-work big, bad city. I followed suit for a year after college, feeling so grown up as my friendships grew on the platform of the Northwestern RR, or meeting fellow preppies at the bustling, echoing downtown station for a brewski before heading home, and even meeting Dad for lunch from time to time.
Favorite kid memories? Christmas lights at Marshall Fields and my first Cubs game,
So my grudge ain’t there. Fond reminiscences all (‘cept when I froze my arse off on certain winter days). But no matter.
A grudge is a grudge and is indeed a bloody waste.
So thanks, Ms. Roads. I’ve never come here without learning something. I’ve been away too long.
Ann
Pretty nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wanted to say that I have really enjoyed browsing your blog posts. In any case I’ll be subscribing to your feed and I hope you write again soon!
great post as usual!