Because periods can’t be captured on a pad
Just like my post about choosing a word, Andi Fisher is likewise and entirely to blame for today’s post. Because she just sent me the most extraordinary book. I highly recommend it for women AND men, really. It’s called Flow: The Cultural Story of Menstruation. Mind-blowing is the only way to describe this book. I am bamboozled.
Plus, authors Elissa Stein and Susan Kim make such a point of talking about how no one talks about menstruation (except me) and how it’s so taboo that even the ads that sell products for it don’t actually mention the word. Nor do they utter the words: vagina, ovaries or blood. Which is like talking about writing without discussing words, pens, paper, computers…you get the point. Anyway, as a result, I felt compelled to climb up on my blogbox and shout MENSTRUATION at the top of my lungs.
Aren’t you lucky?!!!
Note: this post is not just about menstruation, though I’m thinking I could just change my tagline to “WRITE WHERE YOU WANT TO FLOW”, but—in this post—menstruation does serve as my, er, petri dish.
Did you know that doctors and scientists still don’t understand everything about menstruation? It’s 2010 and they don’t know exactly why women menstruate (not all living things do, you know, though all living things manage to reproduce ~ think about that for a minute) and they don’t know how menstruation works, exactly.
See? I told you. Bamboozled. No one knows. Because:
- It’s a woman thing. So who cares?
- It’s so extraordinary and miraculous and mystical, it can’t be known.
I’ll let you do the math.
It has also become abundantly clear that we (people) have become solely focused on the portion of menstruation that we can, um, see. (Well, some of us, anyway). Which would be the ‘messy’ part. The part that is external. So focused on this, we are, that menstruation has become synonymous with ‘getting your period’.
Yet, however, though, wait a second and back up folks—menstruation is not just 4-6 (on average) days of bleeding. It never stops. There is no petits vacances. Every single moment is part of the ‘cycle’.
Yes, Julie. We all know this. We didn’t just fall off the turnip truck.
Yeah, but have you really thought about it? From ages, let’s say, 12 to 50, a woman’s body is doing extra work —either building up or tearing down, preparing for a party or taking down the decorations—a vast, complex, mysterious work. Never stopping (unless to do something relaxing like growing a child or producing 100s of gallons of milk).
No wonder we get cramps, no wonder we bloat, no wonder we’re exhausted, no wonder we get a little fucking bitchy.
And writers, artists, masterminders? For as far back as I can remember, my imagination has been working overtime. Writing stories in my head about people I see walking down the street, babysitters, teachers, what I want life to be. From, and I’m estimating here, about age 5 until I die, my body has done and will continue to do extra work—either building up or tearing down, preparing for a party or taking down the decorations—a vast, complex, mysterious work. Never stopping (even while growing a child or producing 100s of gallons of milk or ______. Please, insert your own pursuits).
No wonder we get cramps, no wonder we bloat, no wonder we’re exhausted, no wonder we get a little fucking bitchy.
In both cases, though, creating. All the while.
Image credit: recycled stardust
Filed under How To, Myth or Reality | Tags: creating, Elissa Stein, Flow, menstruation, women, writer, Writing | Comments (16)Because I can
Today, I’m going to share a video with you…and a poem.
Because:
- Kelly Diels is a goddess, clearly shares part of my soul and knew that I would love it.
- Vanessa Hidary is a writer and woman SUPREME.
- Therefore, she should be celebrated.
- I applaud all people that say what they mean to say in a way that says what other people mean to/wish to/want to say but never, ever would. Like Ani DiFranco, for instance.
- I think a few people will learn/benefit/catharticize from it.
- It’s Saturday.
- My birthday is on Tuesday.
- It’s really, really hot and humid where I live.
- Well, quite simply put—and said with the same verve that Meg Ryan says, “They’re my bags” in French Kiss, one of my favorite movies with one of the best on-screen kisses ever (yes, the one on the train)—this is, after all, my blog and I can.
Warning! Do not watch this video if any of the following apply to you:
- You don’t like the P word.
- You don’t like the F word (specifically when people use it instead of something prissy like ‘intercourse’)
- You are my father.
- You are my mother. Or mother-in-law.
- You still think I’m eight-years-old (ie. you are either of my older brothers).
- You have a problem with strong women that speak their mind (in which case, why are you here exactly?)
- After watching it, you think to yourself, “Peru sounds rather nice.”
Filed under How To | Tags: Brooklyn, hebrew mamita, NYC, poetry, strong women, vanessa hidary, women, women writers, Writing | Comments (19)
They shall from time to time…
Every few months, it seems, the big news outlets write a story about ‘the mommy bloggers’ – and these articles are always bad. They serve as a reminder to these women and the rest of the world that mommy bloggers are silly, worthless and not to be taken seriously.
Case in point, last week’s bitch slap landed in the Fashion & Style section of the New York Times. Heaven forbid you put the bloggers in the Tech section. Because, the article reminds us, these aren’t really bloggers, they’re moms who fool around on their pink computers, talk about diapers, bitch about companies and do sippy cup giveaways. There was even a Tupperware party analogy. If the article had been anymore patronizing and condescending it would have had to have been posted in the classifieds next to the free puppies and SWF’s seeking SWM’s with BHCs.
What’s wrong here?
What’s missing? Why is it that women are moving and shaking things, and seeming to have freedom and independence and gumption in this country…but then crap like this happens over and over and over again?
Bonnie Marcus may be on to something. It might be a problem with leadership. Of the female kind. She has a new eBook out called Advancing Women’s Leadership that features 3 fantastic interviews from her (huge sensation of a) radio show, Head over Heels.
One of the interviewees featured is Marie Wilson, founder and President of The White House Project. (FYI copy buffs, the WHP’s stellar text: “Add women, change culture. Add women, change business. Add women, change politics. ADD WOMEN, CHANGE EVERYTHING“) Wilson notes something profound about our culture:
“We’ve measured the comfort level of the public, and that comfort level is up to 90 percent on most issues. The comfort level of women leading across these sectors is just great.
What hasn’t risen with the comfort level is the number of women who actually lead. What’s good is that you now have a public that trusts women to lead a technology firm, a journalistic organization, to lead in politics. Across these different areas, even in military, sports and religion the three I call guns, games and God, which are the hardest, it doesn’t drop below 70 percent.
So, the trust is there, and so I think it’s the right direction. It’s just that the political country needs to move along with it and know it’s right. Let’s put people in. We need to fill the pipeline. And the pipeline’s there. We need to just push the women in the pipeline.”
Attitudes are changing, but the action isn’t there.
I do know that mommy bloggers are only once slice of ‘women’ – but they’re a very vocal and impactful one – and they represent. So, it’s important to note that in the case of the media campaign that insists on putting mommy bloggers in their place, we have a bigger problem: A woman wrote the article. She’s a mommy blogger. She threw her peers under the bus. Her name is Jennifer Mendelsohn.
Is the problem leadership? Are mommy bloggers lacking leaders that show by example that this is a sisterhood? I’m not sure it’s that cut and dry. As far as I can see, there exist the following factions in the mommy blogger world:
- The power moms that are untouchable, revered, reviled, envied and ‘above it all’, making their millions and patting the rest of the herd on the head (if you’re lucky enough to be at arm’s length) (ie. Dooce)
- The upper-mid level moms that put on conferences, support people, interact, come up with ideas that are inclusive and helpful (ie. TypeAMom)
- The upper-mid level moms that are mean, nasty, selfish and cut from the every mom for herself cloth (ie…..I will not stoop to their level and mention names)
- The mom minions – thousands at this point of moms doing their thing, hoping one day to be a 2, praying to be a 1. (ie. there are too many to name)
Who’s supposed to lead?
The crowd is, well, crowded. And the competition is fierce. #2 above is the closest we get to leaders, but they’re also struggling to survive and constantly reaching for #1. They do lead, sometimes, but I’m not sure enough. And sadly, I’m not sure the mob would even let one or two people be ‘The Leaders’ because of the fierce jealousy and competition that pervades. Which just underlines and italicizes the basic problem even more.
And what about the rest of us, what about the women bloggers in general, the women business owners, the women every things? Where do we draw the line between independence and reliance? Following and leading? Mentoring and learning? Several strong women and the sisterhood?
I only voraciously read 1/3 of Bonnie’s (free) ebook before this all hit me and I had to come write about it…so I’m headed back into it now to learn more about women and leadership and how I can be part of using it to enact change. (I think I’ll start by sending a copy to Jennifer Mendelsohn).
Check it out…let me know what you think…
Image credit: whyamikeenan
(and yes, I ripped my title straight from the West Wing…)
Who needs statistics when we’ve got reality.
While many of my friends spent our junior year abroad in exotic places like Florence, Tanzania, Nepal, Paris and Argentina, I opted for the wilds of St. Louis, MO.
My main gig was volunteering at a domestic violence agency where I researched and wrote the organization’s history, taught dating violence prevention in local schools and worked on the 24-hour crisis hotline. And in order to do this terrifying and terribly important hotline work, I went through an intense and long training program.
- I learned why women stay in abusive relationships when it seems so obvious to the rest of us that they should leave.
- I learned that violence is a vicious cycle.
- And, I learned a number of statistics.
Most of theses numbers have stuck in my brain like gnarly, nasty pieces of chewed gum stuck under the lunch table – ugly to look at, hard to touch, easy to pretend they aren’t there. One of the stats goes like this: The day with the highest rate of domestic violence in the U.S. is Super Bowl Sunday.
Colts vs. Saints
Two days ago, as I sat at my computer working and occasionally watching the Facebook and Twitter streams of Super Bowl brouhaha pass me by, I found it hard to ignore this stuck-in-my-head statistic. I felt rising panic at what was likely going on as the Colts looked good…and then really bad, as the alcohol was consumed, as the chips ran out, as the bets were lost.
So, I put up a tweet and a FB status update telling people about the stat and offering up the number for the National Domestic Violence Hotline. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
What happened next utterly, totally and completely floored me.
Some women, women, came after me. They said the stat was bogus. One said, and I quote: “That is an unfounded myth propogated by the media and womens activist groups. Set the record straight.” (spelling/grammar errors are listed verbatim)
Can you imagine? Women-centric activist groups having the nerve to tell the world that on a day when alcohol, tension and the chance for losing large sums of money are high, there is a greater incidence of domestic violence? The horror. Don’t get me started on the idea that these groups have been lumped in with ‘the media’.
I’ve since learned there are many sides to the validity of the actual stat.
This comment also included the following quote, “On January 31, 1993, when Ken Ringle of The Washington Post questioned the information mentioned in the press release, other news media quickly retracted their articles covering the domestic violence story. The damage was done. The myth continues and Super Bowl Sunday is still sometimes referred to as Bloody Sunday, Abuse Bowl, a Day of Dread, and the Most Dangerous Day in America.”
The damage was done. Yes. Citizens of this country were once again made to look at the fact that women and children are beaten in their own homes every single day by the people who are supposed to love and cherish them. And how dare we disrupt Super Bowl Sunday with this blasphemy! Oh holy, holy day!
My question is, who cares about the validity of this stat? IS THIS WHAT WE SHOULD BE WASTING OUR BREATH ARGUING ABOUT? Domestic Violence is true, real, happening - right now. And what made these women flare up against me and my status update about this? It confounds me!!! For heaven’s sake, use your breath to help someone, not squabble over what Snopes says!
And how can we believe that information from Ken Ringle up above. Hello? How many lies are we fed every day by industries with ulterior motives!?! I mean, do you really think Cheerios will save you from getting heart disease? PLEASE!!! The fight against the Super Bowl stat is based in the fact that it is a huge day for advertisers and TV: ‘Don’t fuck it up for us with your downer information, thank you’ is, I believe, their message.
My mom
My mother, bless her, has spent roughly 20 years of her life tirelessly working to bring awareness to and raise money for the ugly reality of domestic violence – and she isn’t done yet. Having retired from her role as Development Director, she’s now taking the training again so that she’s up to date and ready to again volunteer on the crisis hotline at Safe Connections in St. Louis.
In her training session this past Saturday (the day before the Big Game), someone (coincidentally) asked about the Super Bowl statistic. And the Director of the hotline said there’s a lot of discrepancy about the statistic. But that the organization personally tracks all of their calls, and every year, every year calls and DV reports spike on Super Bowl Sunday and the entire week that follows.
Statistic are hard to get. Especially when they surround an issue that people keep quiet, viciously undercover – so they don’t get arrested (the abuser) or so that they don’t get killed by their abuser (the abusee). Another stat: the chance an abused woman will be killed by her abuser if she tries to leave the situation increases roughly 75%.
What we do know is that an agency in downtown St. Louis, Missouri (middle America, right in the heartland) has their own stats. And they aren’t good.
If you or someone you know is being hurt, please reach out. Everyone deserves to be safe.
1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
Image credit: sinosplice
Filed under Blogging, How To, Myth or Reality, News, Politics, Social Media | Tags: Blogging, domestic violence, Facebook, social media, Twitter, women | Comments (17)What’s Your Theme Song?
Yes, I realize that they talked about this on Ally McBeal – but I don’t care. Music really does have magical powers.
How to pick the right song:
- You have to love it – instruments, melody, beat.
- Actually listen to all of the words and make sure they’re working for ya.
- Do you have a memory associated with the song? or the singer? Make sure it’s a good one.
- When you hear it, the smile and heart-uplift must be undeniable.
My song
I was invited to pick my song during grad school – and I had the answer in an instant. Believe it or not, once upon a time, I suffered from a horrid bout of anxiety. Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t function. It sucked. My medicine was happy, safe, mindless, uplifting TV that didn’t disturb my freakish psyche in any way, shape or form.
Of course, I’m talking about Nick at Nite, that luscious retro gift from Nickelodeon. Today, if you watch Nick at Nite, you get old sitcoms from the 90′s which really disturbs me because I don’t think I’m that old. But when the whole shebang began, you saw: Happy Days, Newhart, Taxi, Dick Van Dyke…and, my girl, Mary Tyler Moore.
Mary. I love Mary. Cool apartment, great clothes, terrific friends, all of that sexual tension with Lou. She struck out on her own, you know? And she made her own way – no matter what people told her. She was a really good person and people loved her. She was industrious, silly, happening…and happy.
I eventually kicked the anxiety with yoga, diet and a severe attitude and life change. But I never kicked the Mary habit. Her theme song reminds me of all that I’ve accomplished, who I am and the gloriousness I’m about to unleash upon the world.
So that’s mine, what’s yours?
Image courtesy of ganatronic
Filed under How To | Tags: empowerment, entrepreneur, inspriation, Juile Roads, women, women business owner, Writing, Writing Roads | Comments (11)A tale of two bags
This is what happened to me last night:
Women on Fire
I went to hear a phenomenal speaker, executive coach, the founder of Women on Fire and the author of the book by the same name, Debbie Phillips. She talked about, well, being a woman on fire – the steps that you have to take for courage, inspiration, following your heart and the like. She was funny and motivating and charming – and everyone was très fired up.
And, then, Debbie invited us to have an experience. We each wrote on a card the following three things:
- What is your biggest accomplishment from the past year?
- What are you fired up about right now?
- What do you need to help turn that fired up thing into an accomplishment?
Speaking out
We all wrote down our answers and then got into groups of four to discuss them. Five minutes later, Debbie asked people to stand up in front of the room (120+/- women) and share. If you haven’t noticed, I have a big mouth and I jumped right up – though not really because of my inability to keep my mouth shut.
The thing I’m fired up about is the writing of my book and the big mama publishing house that’s interested in it – but I’m watching myself stand off to the left of this fact. Do you know what I mean? I’m so excited, but when I tell people I feel like I’m peering around the trophy, not holding it square in front of my gut. I have a toe in the shoes, but I’m not standing in them. The news is too big. It is too much ‘everything I’ve ever wanted’. So, I thought, well, I’ll just get up in front of all of these women and say it, loud and proud. And I’ll feel it, believe it, own it.
After all, Debbie said again and again how important this process was – to be on fire and share it in the safe company of other women on fire. She said safe and connection and support so often during her talk, each enveloping and practically obliterating my fear. So I stood up. I said what I was on fire about. People clapped and cheered. Afterwards, many of the women asked me about the book and gave me huge hugs…
Pause
I’m going to pause now and tell you that someone very near, dear and wise to me believes that we have miraculous powers of manifestation and creation. That we call to us exactly what we need when we need it.
Obviously I’m struggling with some fired-up issues, which is one of the reasons I wanted to attend Debbie’s talk in the first place. I felt pulled to be around other women and to be inspired. Debbie herself says it best:
“I’ve always been inspired by the energy of brilliant, dynamic, caring women coming together to create something more vibrant than what they could on their own. I live near the ocean on Martha’s Vineyard and call this my ‘rising tide lifts all boats’ theory.”
Yes! So, according to my friend, I created this event last night so that I could experience the rising tide. But what about all of the worry and self-doubt? Where’s that energy going? What’s it creating?
Un-Pause
…and then BLAM. A woman standing right in front of me, eyeing me with a hardy dose of skepticism and perhaps a little disgust quivering about her upper lip, says, “Soooo…what’s this ‘book’ about?” I told her, and I swear on my MacBook, she says, “and they want you to write it?” As if she was questioning Hitler’s ability to pen a benevolent history of the Jewish people.
The safety had disappeared, vanished. I wanted to call Superman and beg him to fly backwards around the Earth several times so that I could pull the fire-laced words back into my mouth. Keeping them safe…you know…inside.
And so it is…
I’m carrying two big bags around on my shoulders. One is full of the excitement and thrill of a dream being realized. The other is a sack of shit: self-doubt, creative blockage, paranoia, isolation and fear. And when I walked into that room – both sacks were waiting for me to confront, absorb and choose between.
The good bag was warm and spirited – it led me to achieve my answer to #3 (What Do I Need?) – which is a stable, consistent group of women that meets regularly to share, support and inspire each other. I started forming it last night, and I can’t wait to get started. I seek community.
The bad bag was a mean, nasty, seething troll. Competition, greed, insecurity, doubt…they all live there.
I’m going with the good bag.
Whew!!! It feels good to say that out loud.
Who’s with me?
Image courtesy of anikaviro
Filed under Critical Copywriting, How To, Networking | Tags: creative writing, creativity, debbie phillips, inspiration, motivation, self-doubt, support, women, women on fire, Writing | Comments (28)in celebration of BlogHer ’08
Today, blogher’s 2008 party conference begins in San Fran. Officially, this is what it’s about (according to their site):
Featuring technical labs, educational workshops, intense discussion sessions, relevant sponsors, speakers from every corner of the blogosphere, established and new, and plenty of opportunities to network and socialize. Appropriate for anyone and everyone who’s interested in any kind of blogging, from the personal to the professional to the political.
Some heady statistics (according to Katie Couric):
- 36 million women read and/or write blogs
- 46% of mommy blogs are political and/or issue driven
- Women spent $2 trillion last year (ie. we are a powerful market force)
Blogging is a perfect medium for women (according to me):
- We fit it into our lives and schedules when it works for us.
- We have ultimate control over our domain (pun intended).
- We decide who can and can not talk back to us.
- We are a growing community of women who share advice, support and connection on every topic from breast cancer to how to build a website to parenting tips to career coaching to fertility, infertility and miscarriages to fashion to…
- We are no longer isolated from each other and the world.
- We are creative, daring, inventive and take risks with ourselves and our careers.
- We are financially independent.
- We are rewarded for being our real selves by site traffic, sales, revenue streams and peer acknowledgment.
- We are able to combine family and work, or at least make the ‘have to choose’ scenario a bit fuzzier.
- We buy products and services from each other circumventing big business that don’t incorporate our voice, needs or wants.
- We have a voice.
- We’re powerful.
Back to blogher ’08: I’m insanely jealous, wish I was there and pray that next year blogher ’09 will be on the east coast. For those of you lucky enough to attend…have a fabulous time…I can’t wait to read all about it.
Filed under Blogging, News | Tags: blog, Blogging, blogher, blogher 08, blogher conference, copywriter, copywriting, internet stats, Julie Roads, katie couric, women, women and internet stats, women blogging, women blogs, women online, women web 2.0, Writing Roads | Comments (2)when writing is used for bad things
Please tell me this is joke and that this book doesn’t really exist in the world.
This children’s book was written by a plastic surgeon, Michael Salzhauer, and here is its mission: to help kids deal with their mommy’s transformation due to plastic surgery.
Yes, I’m sure it is a shock when mommy comes home covered in bandages, when her breasts point to the sky and don’t move when you try to hug her, when she can’t show any emotion because of the botox pumped into her face, when she no longer looks like your mother.
Thank goodness mommy doesn’t need to find the words to explain it all away, now she can just shove this book at her kid.
Here’s an idea. Let’s tell women that aging is an incredible journey. That beauty is so much more than droopy boobs and wrinkles. That their worth increases with their life experience and everything they accomplish each day.
Let’s tell children that there is more to life than the way they look. That doing good and productive things in the world is what’s important. That there are people in this world who need food, clothes and shelter – and giving to them would be a worthy repository for their extra money.
Writers (and all people)! Use your words for good.
Thanks to Brett Blumenthal of www.sheerbalance.com for the heads up.
Filed under Critical Copywriting, News | Tags: authors, children's books, children's literature, copywriting, plastic surgery, self-esteem, women, writers | Comment (0)
