Writing Perceptions: Theirs and Yours

Here’s the thing: if you ever go out in public (live or on the web), people are going to see you, judge you, tell stories about who they think you are (in their heads and out loud), like you or not like you.

There’s literally nothing you can do about it.

I recently read an interview with actress Kristen Stewart where she compared the attention, privacy invasion and paparazzi that surround her as rape. She’s been taken to task for that understandably and she’s apologized, but she does make a point. It is unwanted and it is abuse. Anyway, it was a simile, she did not mean to be literal. She says:

What you don’t see are the cameras shoved in my face and the bizarre intrusive questions being asked, or the people falling over themselves, screaming and taunting to get a reaction. All you see is an actor or a celebrity lit up by a flash. Your little persona is made up of all the places that people have seen you and what has been said about you.

The celebrity example is extreme, but with social media—and massive, sudden access to people’s information. It’s not that far off from our realities. Just the other day, someone I follow on Twitter said they decide whether to follow someone based on their last tweet. Ouch. Sometimes my last tweet isn’t brilliant, you know? Sometimes it’s a reaction to someone else or part of a longer conversation I’ve been having.

Because these interwebs move so fast, we are often quick to see, interpret, judge and decide.

And it’s not all negative, mind you. Just like some of those celeb photos are gorgeous, the snapshot glimpses the public gets of you on the web are often stunning.

But, if you’re a celebrity and you know the cameras are going to be there, either take massive steps to avoid them (some do this very well) and garner yourself some privacy or get your hair ‘did’ before you go outside. Your only other option is to not care.

It’s the same with us normal people, you know.

We do have a wee, little, tiny, microscopic bit of control. We can be careful what we post, tweet, update, etc. We can be careful in our interactions with others. We can always be our truest, bestest selves.

But, most importantly, our control lies in our understanding that it’s going to happen. It is! We will be perceived by others—however they want to perceive us.

Think about it. And think about it as you, inevitably, write your perceptions of those around you.

The images in this post were created by my favorite artist, Traeger di Pietro. His perception of my logo was done with paint, his perception of the Geek Girl logo with mixed media—I wish you could see it in person, the layers and bits are so inspired. If you want him to judge you in this beautiful way, visit his site, email him or just let me know (I’ve got his numbah).

The Twitter Triage

Once upon a time, I worked in an office. I remember it, but the details are somewhat fuzzy. I didn’t like the work, but I loved the socializing.

We were horrible influences on each other. One person would innocently say, ‘I wish I had some ice cream…’ and someone else would jump up, grab their keys and ask what flavor. Before you knew it, there was sundae party in the dining room.

But sometimes this came in handy. Like when someone was heading out to the store and asked, ‘I’m headed to the store, does anyone need anything? These days, I can only ask myself and the onus is on me to partake in ice cream.

Until today. There I was minding my own business on Twitter, when I saw this tweet:

Yes, of course. Why not triage on Twitter?

• “I’m calling Applecare about my iMac glitch, anyone have any questions for them?”
• “Headed to Home Depot to price kitchen cabinets, anyone else looking? Let me know your measurements.”
• “Going out for Burrito’s tonight, anyone on the South Side want me to bring you something back?”

Now that’s social networking.

Image credit: Erkka P.

Twitter isn’t so crazy

This morning I was out rollerblading and I crossed paths with these two lovely ladies that I see out there from time to time. They’re probably about 65 and they’re on their bikes.

We were traveling in different directions and passed each other three times. At each pass, we had these mini-flyby conversations, like this one:

As we approached…

Lady 1: I love your little car!

Lady 2: What is it?

As we passed each other:

Me: Subaru.

Lady 2: The Impreza?

Me: Yep.

Over our shoulders:

Lady 1: Do you love it?

Me: Totally. Awesome car. And affordable.

Both Ladies: Thanks!

The world, as I see it, is currently divided into two camps: those that love Twitter and those that hate it. Which is why I love when I see ‘Twitter’ enacted in real life. ‘Cause them I can say, ‘You know what? Twitter isn’t so crazy…it happens all the time.”

Image credit gianmerizzi

Dealing with hate online

What is going on? Over the course of the last couple of weeks, I’ve watched the Hate Meter rise. One of those times, it was disturbingly turned on me in reaction to a post I wrote, but the horror of it really supersedes the target. Hate is just nasty. There’s no way around it. And social media seems to breed its own brand, or maybe it’s the same old, same old – just wearing a new dress. A new dress getting soaked in a shit storm.

Why people hate

I’ve got to say it seems to boil down to these three things:

• Insecurity
• Fear
• Need for attention

Social media, for worse in this scenario, offers people a filter. They can and do behave in ways that they would probably never behave in real life. No one can see them, they don’t have to look into a person’s eyes and see their heart and soul. They can hide behind their computer screen armed with 26 letters and some exclamation marks.

How they hate

Social Media is so vast that it gives the haters quite the array of options:

• Social networking, such as Twitter. They can bring someone down swiftly by tweeting something nasty to their followers, pushing the retweet or carrying on in public (@reply) conversations.
• Video. This makes them seem bold, when really they’re hurling their hate at a camera, not an actual person.
• Blogs. Let me count the ways. They can write their own nasty post or leave horrid comments on someone else’s.
• Email. Start a hate campaign, make it juicy, add pictures and it will go viral.
• Forums. How fun to start a hate thread!

The Umbrella: What to do about it

In the face of social media hate, you have some choices to make:

1. Fight back. Now this seems like a good idea at first, doesn’t it. ‘How dare s/he say that about me!’ Believe me, I understand that you’re raring to go. But, just like my older brothers who teased me relentlessly, this is what the hater wants. They’re baiting you. So…
2. Silence is really an incredible option. Bite your tongue, dog’s chew toy, a towel. Walk away from your computer. Channel George Clooney and do not engage. (if you got that joke, you get a gold star)
3. Block ‘em. You have the right to block people from your blog and your networks. You do not need to be harassed on your own ‘domain’ – so to speak. I’m not suggesting that you block or censor naysayers. Differing opinions are great and add a lot to the conversation. But hate and violence are not to be tolerated.
4. Find an outlet. Friends, trusted colleagues, your mom. Rant to them. Let them love you and tell you it’s okay. Have them remind you of how wonderful you are and how batshit insane the hater is. If you can, invite them all to an email party – let the stream of love and fun ensue. The hater is left to hate alone in silence while you’re all having a lovefest.
5. Depend on your peeps. Watch with glee as your readers go to the mattresses for you – defending, talking back, throwing themselves in front of you like the iron clad shields that they are.
6. Rise above. Go do something that puts you back on track. Write a killer post. Retweet good people. Make a donation. Hang with your family. Don’t forget that you are better than this hater and their hateful stink. Hate can be like quicksand, don’t get pulled down into it. Don’t believe it, don’t invite it in.
7. Be careful. If this hater is really scaring you or making serious threats, do not hesitate to take it directly to the police. Don’t forget to document and save all correspondence. Not only emails, but screen shots of tweets, forum posts, etc.

Don’t forget that the ‘world’ is watching. Oftentimes the hater is just making a fool out of their own sorry self. If you keep your wits about you and do the right thing, your social media value and reputation will only go up – and so will your self-preservation. Now, go on with your bad self…and make love, not war.

Image credit: Kayepants

How pretty do you have to be?

This morning, I uploaded a video from Scott Stratten (@unmarketing) to Soc Media 101. As I watched, I couldn’t help but notice how adorable he is (as in handsome, kind and charming). And my brain started to churn.

Not five minutes later, I saw this:

The people who do well in Hollywood tend to be the people who did well in high school. Because it really is about who’s in, who’s out, who’s cool. Then you get the nerds like me who know how to write or make movies, and they have to sort of make room for us. But we’re not calling the shots socially, you know? - John Favreau, actor, director, writer and more

There’s no doubt that the social media – high school analogy works. I mean, come on.

But, it isn’t clear cut:

• Pretty people are very successful in this space, but so are unpretty people. (I’ll let you make your own mental list – I’m not walking down that road).
• Kind, generous, wonderful people thrive in social media, but so do assholes. (I’ll let you make that list too.)
• ‘Popular kids’ flourish as well, but the internet really lets the geeks soar.

As usual there are no answers, no universal truths to be found. I’d like to think that the good guys finish first…but, sadly, the bad guys  have black hat SEO on their side. Like automatic Twitter follow machines. Isn’t that the equivalent of having friends because you’re the only one with the fake ID?

Overheard on Twitter today:

Nor does having a lot of followers as a result make you, deservedly, the most popular kid in class.

Of course there’s a bit of the high school ‘cool’ thing at play here…but there’s more and it’s not nearly so superficial. I’m talking:

1. Giving.
2. Sharing.
3. Kindness.
4. Respect
5. Smarts
6. Talent

Kudos for you if you’re a cutie…

Image courtesy of The Pack

Blur the Lines

If you go to search Google today, you’ll find this in the top right hand corner of your screen:

Once upon a time, the list included ‘Blogs’ as a category. You can still search blogs exclusively if you click the ‘more’ carrot – but the significance here is that blogs have been absorbed into the greater category of ‘Web’. This didn’t happen yesterday, mind you – it’s not breaking news, but it’s a prime example of lines being blurred and the inclusion of social media in mainstream ‘information accrual.’

The other day, I was talking to the glorious Nevette Previd, and I was explaining social bookmarking. As I defined it in a narrow box kind of a way, Digg, Stumble, etc., she (who admittedly is not uber-familiar with social media) asked me, “wouldn’t links within blogs be social bookmarks as well?”

But, of course. And brilliant. It’s all so clear to those of us not bogged down by it, right?

For a while now, I’ve been referring to Twitter as a social bookmarking tool – but she is exactly right. All of the social networking sites and blogs are also social bookmarking tools – because links are being favorited, shared and saved.

And social networking extends beyond Facebook, Linkedin, etc. because we’re also networking, connecting and becoming fans on Digg, Stumble and Kirtsy and on blogs via subcriptions, blogrolls and comments.

And blogging? Well, we’re microblogging on social media sites with our updates and we’re leaving comments and reviews on social bookmarking sites…so that works too.

But don’t just stop there. Social media, new media, traditional media – they’re all blending. Or rather television and print journalism are integrating with new media at a neck-breaking rate.

The definitions are growing fuzzy and that’s good, I think – everything is being integrated. The best parts are being used, the bad stuff will be left behind. Maybe we’ll all be on the same page some day…or perhaps just on the same url.

Image by billselak

Twitter Baiting

No, I didn’t say, ‘twitterbating’ – that’s another topic entirely.

Twitter baiting is the Twitter equivalent of link baiting – wherein people lure bloggers, visitors or companies to their site through a variety of tactics. According to Rob Sullivan on Search Engine Journal, link baiting sounds like black hat (or dirty and sleazy) SEO, but it’s actually just the process of getting other sites to link to yours.

Link Baiting is just like fishing. You publish a new page on a topic…and set it free on the web. Hopefully others pick up on the content as fresh and interesting and link to it. The article is the bait, and the link is the catch.

You just witnessed link baiting, as a matter of fact. Rob wrote a good article, and I quoted it and linked back to him.

It must be noted that some folks do fish for links in a bad way – with false claims, antagonistic or controversial content.

The Twitter Translation

So how does this convert to Twitter? Well, people are using their tweets to lure people to their sites, of course. Not for links only, but also for traffic, body counts, retweets, buzz. Twitter baiting happens in the following ways:

1. Controversial or attention-getting tweets
2. Contest, challenge or giveaway tweets
3. Asking for retweets
4. Misleading tweets that tease X and deliver Y
5. Plain, old-fashioned, good quality content

Sometimes it’s good: when the tweeted link leads to a quality site offering high value and solid information.

Sometimes it’s bad: sending you to product pushing sites, scams or long sales letters (or just junk).

Wait. And Eureka! Either way, Twitter baiting really isn’t that far from Twitterbating after all! I mean, it is all about self-pleasure…right?

Is Twitter Baiting good or bad? Is it all in how you do it? Is it simply the nature of the beast?

Image courtesy of Aaron_M

Ashton Kutcher is NOT Change

You know – this whole Twitter scam (in which Ashton Kutcher, aka @aplusk, was on a race to a million followers with CNN) grossed me out from the beginning.

Ashton created a video during his run for one million where he said:

This is “about a statement that one man can have a voice that’s as loud as an entire media company. And you can have that voice as well. And we can all have that voice together. And, and, and we can change media forever.”

But he’s not just a man. He’s a celebrity. And for some reason people (yes, me included) glom on celebrities like flies to shit. Curiousity, proximity to fame, the chance of being noticed, all of the above? Regardless, I can name millions of guys who are ‘one man’ on Twitter who are getting followers the real way – by contributing to the conversation.

Excuse me, ‘Mr.’ Kutcher – we have been changing media for some time now. You just got here.

It’s been revealed that Ashton Kutcher, in fact, has punk’d Twitter – and been paid with promotion and possible dollars, certainly with press, to create this entire scenario that spanned not only the week’s news cycle – but Oprah as well. I mean, after all, Oprah is late to the game – so her entrance to Twitter simply had to be part of this coup.

Even more disgusting is the fact that Twitter has made it impossible for anyone to unfollow Ashton. A few have tried to offer a way around the mandatory Ashton Kutcher follow, but Twitter seems to have fixed that – because it no longer works. We’re stuck with him.

Oh, and all this from a guy with over one million followers who is following exactly 79 people back as of this post. You seem to have missed the point of Twitter, Ashton.

I remember a few months ago when Twitter was so sweet, pure, beneficial. The celebs were few and far between – or they were simply behaving; Tina Fey, Anderson Cooper and MC Hammer, to name a few. It was before the apps that help mindless tweeters gather 20,000 followers in one week when all they post is muckety muck about nothing in particular.

When he finally did win his self-created contest, Ashton remarked again, ‘this is changing media forever!’ I’m sorry? Not the 6 million people on Twitter that came before him? Not the 200 million on Facebook? Not Barack Obama’s use of social media to win an election? Not the sum total of amazing bloggers that speak their minds and create actual change every day?

Be ashamed of yourself, Ashton Kutcher. Because you absolutely must be kidding.

Will we, the Tweeple that tweet responsibily, be able to maintain some of that ‘old Twitter’? If we remain pure and giving in our tweets, can we overcome this mainstream, race for numbers madness? Can we continue to share information, learn, help each other, grow businesses, provide support and change the world – as real people?

I’m holding out hope. I’m grateful for Ashton’s malaria nets. I’m disgusted by his ego and manipulation. But I’m holding out hope.

In the Flesh: Networking in the Real World

Of course this post presupposes that you’re like me – and you spend the majority of your waking hours plastered to your computer.

I’m writing, of course, but I’m also taking advantage of the opportunity that online networking, aka social media, affords me. We, you and I, can connect with people all over the world to collaborate on projects, build project teams, get new work. I’ve built an entire business in this virtual manner.

But, today, are you sitting down? Today, I’m going to a real live networking event. I know! It’s shocking.

You know I love my social media, but I believe high value is still to be found in meeting people live and in person:

• Nothing compares to looking someone in the eye and having a conversation.
• I don’t care how good you are (or your writer is) at crafting copy–charm and personality are not two dimensional. Caveat: Unless you don’t have any.
• As the service/product supplier, it’s helpful to have the body language of your potential customer at your disposal. Does this person need hand-holding, humor, a take charge attitude, old-school professionalism?
• People often come to seminars, workshops and networking events in pairs or groups. How great to have Billy say, “Jack, you’ve got to come over here and talk to this lady.” And then pull him over to you and say, “He needs you so bad!”
• I’ve been told that there are studies out there that say too much computer exposure is bad for our health, that sitting hunched over our desks isn’t good for the back and that a lack of in-person social interaction might make us depressed. That’s what they say, anyway.
• Live events are slower than the speed of, say, Twitter. You don’t have time to craft the perfect response to an inquiry when you’re face to face with it. Keeps us on our toes, right? Makes the heart pound? Love it.

When was the last time you left your computer for an event? How do you compare online versus live networking?

Image by Adactio

Social Media Tips and How-To’s for Beginners

Social Media Quadrupled My Business Last Year

When people talk smack about social media – calling it a waste of time or a fake world – I just smile. “Go ahead with your bad self and your bad attitude,” I say. “Social media helped me quadruple my business last year.”

The relationships are real. Most of the people are genuine and kind. Because the social media world is growing so fast, there’s room for us all to learn, thrive, fall down, get back up…and everything in between.

Social media has increased my exposure * given me opportunities to write in some awesome venues * provided new jobs * helped me grow as a networker, writer & business woman * offered new speaking opportunities…and introduced me to Ron Miller.

Click and Clack

Do you have anyone in your life that you share a brain with? I met one of those people on Twitter. Ron and I can’t remember our first tweets or how we connected so instantly – but we did. Complementing each other perfectly with all of our opposites:

• He’s a guy/I’m a girl
• He’s a tech geek/I just like that things work when I plug them in
• He’s a journalist/I’m a marketing writer
• He’s old/I’m not

And, before long, we became trusted colleagues, attached at the Skype-hip, editors & thesauruses for each other, confidants, sentence finishers, virtual office mates…and now partners. I’ve lost count of the number of times that we’ve IM’d each other the exact same thought at the exact same time.

Why Am I Telling You All Of This?

The ‘social media is good’ part is because some people still haven’t engaged. Why? Because they’re scared and intimidated by the LinkBooks and the FaceINs, not to mention the Tweetering. And I think that’s a crying shame. It’s all doable if someone helps you do it.

The ‘Ron Miller’ part because our first partner venture is the creation and launch of Soc Media 101: a blog about social media for the beginner. Full of how-to’s and tips from Ron & I and an exciting gang of guest posters.

So…check it out:

• Digestible info if you’re a newbie.
• Great place to point the unfamiliar, the scared and the unconvinced
• Guest possibilities for the well-traveled.

And stay tuned for everything else we’ve got cookin’!

Image by our fantastic designer, Shauna Callghan.