Writing Perceptions: Theirs and Yours

Here’s the thing: if you ever go out in public (live or on the web), people are going to see you, judge you, tell stories about who they think you are (in their heads and out loud), like you or not like you.

There’s literally nothing you can do about it.

I recently read an interview with actress Kristen Stewart where she compared the attention, privacy invasion and paparazzi that surround her as rape. She’s been taken to task for that understandably and she’s apologized, but she does make a point. It is unwanted and it is abuse. Anyway, it was a simile, she did not mean to be literal. She says:

What you don’t see are the cameras shoved in my face and the bizarre intrusive questions being asked, or the people falling over themselves, screaming and taunting to get a reaction. All you see is an actor or a celebrity lit up by a flash. Your little persona is made up of all the places that people have seen you and what has been said about you.

The celebrity example is extreme, but with social media—and massive, sudden access to people’s information. It’s not that far off from our realities. Just the other day, someone I follow on Twitter said they decide whether to follow someone based on their last tweet. Ouch. Sometimes my last tweet isn’t brilliant, you know? Sometimes it’s a reaction to someone else or part of a longer conversation I’ve been having.

Because these interwebs move so fast, we are often quick to see, interpret, judge and decide.

And it’s not all negative, mind you. Just like some of those celeb photos are gorgeous, the snapshot glimpses the public gets of you on the web are often stunning.

But, if you’re a celebrity and you know the cameras are going to be there, either take massive steps to avoid them (some do this very well) and garner yourself some privacy or get your hair ‘did’ before you go outside. Your only other option is to not care.

It’s the same with us normal people, you know.

We do have a wee, little, tiny, microscopic bit of control. We can be careful what we post, tweet, update, etc. We can be careful in our interactions with others. We can always be our truest, bestest selves.

But, most importantly, our control lies in our understanding that it’s going to happen. It is! We will be perceived by others—however they want to perceive us.

Think about it. And think about it as you, inevitably, write your perceptions of those around you.

The images in this post were created by my favorite artist, Traeger di Pietro. His perception of my logo was done with paint, his perception of the Geek Girl logo with mixed media—I wish you could see it in person, the layers and bits are so inspired. If you want him to judge you in this beautiful way, visit his site, email him or just let me know (I’ve got his numbah).

How do you open your spigot?

You know how when you go on a diet and tell yourself that you won’t eat something – then that’s all you think about, and finally you break down and instead of having just one piece of chocolate, you’re having a fried peanut butter, banana and Nutella sandwich, a platter of nachos and a pint of Everything But The from Ben & Jerry’s?

Well, it’s come to my attention that I’m in a post-diet binge. But it’s not food that I’m inhaling.

It’s life, it’s experience, it’s sensory consumption, it’s adventure. Of late, I’ve been doing things I wouldn’t have done in the past. I’m throwing a lot of caution to the wind – almost all of it, actually. I’ve been saying yes, when I historically would’ve said no. And I used to say ‘no’ a LOT. Now my decisions aren’t making me, I’m making them. I believe it’s called selection.

My body and mind are humming with it. The adrenaline rush is palpable…and it seems to stay, not rush in and then quickly back out. It’s more like a steady build. And there’s only one way to describe the way it all makes me feel: alive.

My creative juices are flowing, my writing juices are flowing, my networking juices are flowing, my business juices are flowing, my energy juices are flowing, my – well, you get the point.

And it makes me think that maybe the ‘diet’ wasn’t so bad after all. You know, because the feeling lies in the contrast. The marked difference between before and after.

Is the secret in the risk taking? In the saying yes instead of no? In simply doing the opposite of what you would normally do? In being effective instead of being affected?

How do you open your spigot?

Image credit: lucias clay

Dots, Lines, Triangles, Squares

Over the course of any given day, I have a profuse amount of conversations, debates, arguments and moments of pure connective bliss. They take up the majority of my day – and, they mostly occur within the confines of my own mind. Because, of course, as a writer, creator, artist – I appear to spend a lot of time as a dot. Solo, alone, unconnected…hashing it out.

But, as a copywriter, businesswoman and member of the human race – my dot ends up being connected to different people in a variety of ways every single day. When my dot hooks up to one other person, we become a line. When it hooks up to two people, we become a triangle. When it hooks up to three people we become a square…and on and on. And the bigger they get, the more lines, triangles and squares get created within each of the shapes.

(This is very complicated…has your head exploded yet?)

Thinking about this post in ‘pre-flight’ (read: on my rollerblades), my instinct was that the greater number of people (and the bigger the shape), the more complex everything would become. But, now I’m undecided…

When it’s just you, standing on your dot – the focus is very internal. And the brain (mine at least), is quite loud, complex, churney – like a Vitamix. Conversely, as you add more people to your communications, this internal conversation quiets, or maybe just gets redirected, as the external chatter heats up and demands your attention.

There is a heightened complexity that comes with larger shapes. Suddenly, you don’t have control (or the shelter of your skull) as the other dots in your line, triangle and square say things to you and (gasp!) each other (with or without you). As other needs, that may not match yours, come into play.

The impulse is to pull back inside when things get uncomfortable. But, the real question is, can you really ever escape the impact of others? Even when you disconnect and just ‘be the dot’? Maybe the lines that connect you become faded and dashed, but do they actually go away?

Image credit: Darwin Bell

Twitter isn’t so crazy

This morning I was out rollerblading and I crossed paths with these two lovely ladies that I see out there from time to time. They’re probably about 65 and they’re on their bikes.

We were traveling in different directions and passed each other three times. At each pass, we had these mini-flyby conversations, like this one:

As we approached…

Lady 1: I love your little car!

Lady 2: What is it?

As we passed each other:

Me: Subaru.

Lady 2: The Impreza?

Me: Yep.

Over our shoulders:

Lady 1: Do you love it?

Me: Totally. Awesome car. And affordable.

Both Ladies: Thanks!

The world, as I see it, is currently divided into two camps: those that love Twitter and those that hate it. Which is why I love when I see ‘Twitter’ enacted in real life. ‘Cause them I can say, ‘You know what? Twitter isn’t so crazy…it happens all the time.”

Image credit gianmerizzi

Blogstipation (and how to avoid it)

Cheers to Cassie Aiden for introducing me to this fabutastic word…

Blogstipation. Is it the inability to write blog posts? The back-up of so many good blog ideas? Or is it a blog that’s just not moving – no increase in visitors, pageviews, business?

Of course the term itself fits all three of these possibilities….it’s that good.

The inability to write blog posts

You’ve run out of ideas, you’re having a bad day, you’re simply out of juice.

1. Search the net, check other blogs. Chances are someone’s writing about something that either you could write better or their take on it is a 180 degree spin from yours…make it your own.

2. Walk away from your computer. Literally – take a walk, a bike ride, something to get out of your head and get creativity flowing through every limb again.

3. Don’t panic. Ask some folks to guest post, do some interviews – take the heat off of yourself and your muse.

4. Whatever you do, don’t just write something for the sake of filling your blog. People are less likely to leave you because of your silence than because of your pointless or crappy posts.

The Back-up

So many things brewing that you simply can’t get anything done or published.

1. Don’t let ideas back up in your brain, it’s very crowded already. Carry a notebook or a digital voice recorder or a smart phone to get the ideas out of the brain and into the world as they happen. You know, let it flow.

2. Make a list, schedule, calendar…and use it.

3. Hire a VA or other specialists (like writers, designers, techies, cleaners, bookkeepers, etc.) to help you get things done.

4. Prioritize. There’s bound to be something in that there should be done first. Do it…and get the ball rolling again.

The stagnation

Same number of visitors day after day? No new business?

1. Guest post somewhere else – preferably on a blog with readers who have never heard of you and need your services.

2. Use Twitter. Follow new people, build relationships, give good tweet by sharing interesting links and info on a wide range of subjects. (I ‘spose a little LinkedIn and Facebook wouldn’t hurt either)

3. Write an ebook and make it free and valuable.

4. Do some keyword research about your topic and find out what people are looking for…then give it to them.

If absolutely none of this works:

1. Shut down your blog. Maybe it’s just not your thing?

2. Add more fiber to your diet: get out there and experience life, learn more about your industry, go to conferences. LIVE away from your computer.

3. Take some blogging Pepto: Shot of Red Bull? Glass of Merlot? Shot of Tequila? Mug of green tea? Flask of hot chocolate?

4. Call me…a good friend, your coach or mentor. Sometimes we just have to talk these things through…

Image credit: Alexander Ekman

You have the right NOT to remain silent about how cool you are.

You have the right not to remain silent about how cool you are. (Just wanted to make sure you really heard that.)

I was inspired to write this post by Bonnie Marcus, a business success coach who specializes in women’s executive coaching. She published a phenomenal post where she writes:

I ran a workshop yesterday for a group of professional women. There was an exercise in the session where I asked them to write about all their accomplishments. The group struggled with the assignment. Even though the assignment was to write down any success no matter how small, it was a difficult task. Now, when I followed that exercise with one that required them to write down their shortcomings, it was not only easier for the group to think of things, but they also recognized that they were more likely to think about their weaknesses and disappointments than their successes. They also acknowledged that they almost never acknowledge their accomplishments.

She goes on to suggest that this is part of conditioning for women – and I agree. Her solution is fantastic – It’s a Bragging Journal where you document all of your awesomeness. You can then look through the journal whenever you need a boost of confidence – it serves as absolute proof that you can do it.

The Blue Bracelet

Then, I found out that another one of my faves, Jessica Smith, wrote a post called, A Call to Ambitious Women Entrepreneurs…Stop Apologizing. Jessica not only takes on the fact that we are apologizing for our success, she also takes major action. Check out her manifesto:

I, Jessica Smith, hereby pledge to:

• Promote other women and celebrate their success with them.
• Not feel threatened when other women in my niche are reaching their goals…a success for one is a success for all.
• Collaborate with other ambitious women as much as I can, finding synergies and ways to work together.
• Respond with a simple “Thank You” when someone publicly compliments me rather than offering an apology, a retort, or a rationalization.
• Not consciously or subconsciously bring someone else down because they have something (success or otherwise) that they think I should have.
• Continue to embrace each day as a new opportunity with enthusiasm and a positive attitude (no matter what obstacles may stand in my way.)
• Surround myself with other like-minded entrepreneurs who wa nt to network with, support, and cross-promote one another.
• To reiterate.  I will not apologize for my success, my celebration of it, or my determination to become even more successful.  And I will applaud those women who do the same.

I could not love this more. And, she takes it a step further. She tied a blue bracelet around her wrist to remind herself of her pledge, and she’s inviting others to do the same. She’s started a photo wall where you can submit the picture of yourself with your bracelet, making your pledge public on her site.

I put my blue bracelet (wool knitting yarn) on immediately and took the pledge. And then I took action.

I created a Google Group. Then, I invited some women to join me. Why? Because I want to practice living my successes OUT LOUD. We’re emailing/posting our awesomeness to each other, full throttle, when it happens. No apologies, no comparisons, no jealousy. It’s celebratastic.

This isn’t just for women, though let’s not kid ourselves that social conditioning and a double standard don’t exist.

So, people – I ask you: what do you do with that feeling of triumph? When it’s yours? When it’s someone elses?

I think we should all be singing it from the rooftops…

When people are searching for Dirty Dancing, but find You

As much of a control freak as I am, there’s something that I love about the randomness of the internet and social media. Perhaps because the form this randomness takes is in wowzah bursts of opportunity. You know, that you can start talking to someone on Twitter about dogs and the next thing you know you’re writing the blog for the American Kennel Club. Or you reconnect with an old friend from high school and they hire you to ghostwrite their shark taming memoir.

Neither of those things has actually happened to me…yet. But other wild things have, so I’m not ruling anything out. The point is that anything can and will happen when you cast your net.

Last Search Terms

If you have a blog or a website, and it has any sort of analytic capability, you’ve probably noticed that there’s a section within your stats that serves as a bastion of randomousity. (Yes, I made that word up.)

In my blog stats, this section is called ‘Last Search Terms’ and it shows me what word or phrase visitors typed into their search engine that led them to my site.

I marvel when those terms include ‘marketing writer,’ ‘how to use Twitter,’ ‘optimism in recession’ and ‘copywriter, finding my niche’ – the search engines really earned their paychecks there.

Dirty Dancing

But, some time ago, I wrote a post about viral marketing that was inspired by the Oprah show. Oprah featured people who had found fame and fortune via YouTube and their (cough) ridiculous viral videos. One of these videos included a bride and groom that learned that final Dirty Dancing dance and performed it at their wedding. In true Oprah fashion, Patrick Swayze came out and danced with the bride on the show. The picture at the top of my post shows Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey mid-dance in the movie circa 1987.

I’m shocked by how many times my ‘Last Search Terms’ shows that people landed on my site having searched for ‘Dirty Dancing.’ At least twice a day, every day. Just imagine their surprise. They do get their Dirty Dancing picture, but it comes along with a blog and website about copywriting, marketing, freelancing, social media…the works.

While I don’t actually know if those random customers become readers, subscribers or clients (I mean, really, who would admit that in the end), I can only guess that some of the people searching for ‘Dirty Dancing,’ ‘elevator music writing’ and ‘yoga book children’ arrive here, look around and stay – deciding to continue looking for all things ‘Nobody puts baby in a corner’ at some later date. That this randomness of search landing has actually led them to something and someone they needed (even if they didn’t realize it originally) is pretty cool.

Getting caught in the branches

When you write your blog, start with a clear goal and a main theme. This is the trunk of your blogging tree. Then, each post will contain variations on the theme, offshoots, branches. Some will be thick and sturdy, very closely related to the main concept, and others will be smaller and thin – still connected, though perhaps more far reaching. Build a big tree – with plenty of branches for easy and intriguing landing for a wide range of people and interests.

Unless that branch is hanging on a neighboring tree or lying on the ground, it is connected. And as the winds of the internet blow by, you never know who’ll get stuck in your branches, eat a leaf and fly on, and who will build a nest – long lasting and here to stay.

Oh, just helping out the Gov’nor

On Tuesday, Ron Miller was tweeting away – meeting new people, offering pertinent information – perhaps a little humor, when this tweet came across his screen:

Would you like to help spread the word about The LOVE ebook?

The response and support for The LOVE ebook has been truly amazing and inspiring!

If you haven’t heard, here are the details:

The LOVE ebook will be a beautifully designed ebook full of writing and art about LOVE. It will be posted on this blog for download from February 11th through the 14th – just in time for Valentine’s Day (would make an awesome gift, eh?)

The LOVE ebook will be available for free, but we are also offering you the option to make a donation for your download – could be for $1 or $1000+ – that’s entirely up to you. Our wildest dreams feature corporate sponsors matching these donations dollar for dollar (we have one already!) Please let us know if you have any ideas on that end.

All of the money raised will be donated to Dress for Success (for women) and Career Gear (for men) – two national non-profit organizations that help people find, get and keep jobs through career skills training, interview training, proper attire, etc…Times are tough, and Ramona and I wanted to pick organizations that worked hard and compassionately to help our country’s workforce.

What you can do!

The key to spreading the word and getting the maximum amount of donations will be all of you! We appreciate your tweets, Facebook highlights, Squidoo pages…whatever you’ve got. We’d also love some blog love! Us bloggers are always looking for somethng good to write about – and we’re handing you: social media, charity, recession, writers, bloggers, love, relationships, non-profits, employment…you name it!!!

Best case scenario is that you blog about the book and the event on February 11th – and that you provide a link straight to the page with the ebook download link! We’ll get the book up first thing – so the link will be good to go! Please set your calendars!!! (And, I’ll likely be tweeting it like mad!) You can also sign up for email alerts for this blog (look up to the right) – and then the reminder will land in your inbox.

I know you won’t be doing this to get anything back for yourselves, but I’ll be doing a big old wrap up of this event and you better believe I’ll be thanking all of our bloggers and message spreaders!

THANK YOU!

Twittaranoia

So, several weeks ago, I wrote a post about Twitter and how to use it effectively…and all that. And one of the things I said was that I DM (direct message) every one that follows me (who isn’t SPAM or a right-wing, conservative that is going to stop following me 10 minutes ago anyway).

I still think it’s a brilliant plan. I mean, if you don’t take the opportunity to see who this person is that has just found you and joined your network, then how will you know who you’re talking to? How will you grow? How will you network, seize the next opportunity, make the opportunity of a lifetime? HOW???

But, there are some small flaws in my plan. Disclaimer: the point of this post is not to brag or boast in any way shape or form.

1. For some reason, could be The LOVE ebook or Active Rain, since I wrote that post I’ve been receiving new followers at a very fast rate.
2. I’m a freelancer which means that some days are really busy and other days are insanely busy.

If you put the two of these things together, you get me letting my email and Twitter ‘follow’ notifications back up…and then I’m really in a pickle.

I’ve actually tried to just let my DM manifesto go…but I can’t. It’s like an itch I have to scratch. I don’t want to miss the ultimate connection, I don’t want to be rude and I don’t want to discount anyone. Also, the connections are what I love about Twitter – they ARE Twitter. And, I do not want to go back on my word – eating crow isn’t one of my strong suits.

Oh, and I’m Jewish too…so I feel eternal guilt for not following up…’specially when I said I would.

So, I’ll keep on, keepin’ on – until I’m released. Somehow.

(Gulp!)