So in love
The summer after my senior year in high school sticks out in my mind. Prominently.
Not because there was a life changing event. Not because I was leaving high school and home and my friends. And not because I was getting ready to go off to college, the east coast and an unknown life.
It was because I was in love and in a deeply committed and satisfying relationship, the kind where you wake up in the morning and remember what you have and what you’re in—and it floods you with warmth and joy and YES! It was because it was one of those rare, extended periods—as in concentrated time, as opposed to 5 minutes bursts that occur every now and then—that I felt so sure, so committed, so ‘in it’.
It was because the relationship I was in was with me.
Not because someone broke up with me or because I couldn’t find anyone to love or to love me. And therein lies the rub. My high school boyfriend wanted to be with me, but I’d broken up with him when I left St. Louis for the summer. He eventually drove all the way to northern Minnesota to be with me, but I said no…again. There was a also a ceramics counselor who fancied himself in love with me, but I wasn’t having that either.
No brag, just fact. (Thanks for that one, Joe.) My point is that the summer was so memorable because this ‘wanting to be on my own’ was purely voluntary. Chosen.
And I’ve been thinking about that summer. Remembering what it felt like—to be so happy…with just me. And, 19 years later, I’m seeing something I hadn’t noticed before, about why that time was so profound. The something is this: there’s a marked difference between reaching out. And reaching in.
Reaching out:
- Things are beyond your grasp, beyond your control.
- Essentially, they are other. Not you.
- And I don’t believe there can ever be total fusion of the two separate parts. But it’s what we spend endless effort trying to make happen.
- In a relationship, we’re trying to get others to say what we need them to say, to act like we need them to act, to read our minds.
- In the writing, well, it’s kinda the same. And the room for reader interpretation is pretty big, like the penthouse suite.
- I’ve seen too much now to believe that this complete fusion is possible. Cynical? Maybe, but I’m calling ‘em like I see ‘em. So often lately I’ve thought it would happen—with this group or these two people or maybe those three—but, nope.
Reaching in:
- Things are right there, available, customizable, known and understood even before you know and understand.
- Essentially, they are familiar. You.
- And the thought of fusion is actually redundant. We don’t need to spend time to make it happen, we just need to be. There is no separateness.
- In this relationship, it’s private, not on display. And you only have to answer to you. You get to see you.
- In the writing, well, it’s kinda the same. I mean, it’s ALL in there, inside.
- I’ve seen enough now to know that complete fusion exists. I’ve been lucky enough to feel it.
I’m thinking about rekindling this old flame.
Though there are moments when I think that will be impossible. Those are the moments when I’m standing alone in big, flat, open spaces with nowhere to hide. When there is a blank screen in front of me. When the idea of writing a book is dangled. When I feel like being loud, out loud, aloud and allowed. When I don’t want to be alone. When I want someone to read and love what I’ve written. When I’m looking out.
But, I gotta say, this remembered love affair has been peeking at me lately, from around random corners. It’s most abundantly felt when I’m writing, or in a groove with my work in general. It’s certainly there when I’m running et al. Sometimes it just appears and fills me up and says, “Remember how good this feels? How whole? How peaceful? How utterly painless?”
And I remember how alive I was during the relationship, over the course of that summer. By no means a hermit, hiding, sad or scared—but a good friend, an adventurer, a happy spirit, a big punch of delight, a live-er. Because I had everything I needed.
It’s that remembering that makes me want it back. Makes me want to call it and say, ‘Hey, it’s me…I was thinking we should see each other, even if it’s just for lunch.” Even though I know we’re going to end up in bed together.
And even though I’m still, out of habit, looking out—I’m clearly thinking, Nah, I’d rather stay in.
Image: Tony the Misfit
Filed under Myth or Reality, Writing | Tags: Blogging, copywriting, love, running, self, writer, Writing | Comments (11)Writing is a verb.
Having no idea that it was the title of what looks to be a cheesey self-help book, my beloved friend Susan, the shepherd, said this to me the other day: Love is a Verb.
“People can say they have a feeling, they can talk about it until they’re blue in the face (I love you. I miss you. I can’t stop thinking about you.), but it’s not real unless they deliver some action with it,” she said.
It’s true, you know. Think about it.
And then, think about this: writing’s the same. Yes, writing is also a verb.
On a fairly regular basis, I get emails, tweets or comments from people asking how I manage to run my business (ie. write and and concept/run social media strategies for a living) and write this blog every day. The real question is: how can I not?
Writing helps me:
- Clear my head
- Analyze past events
- Plan for what’s next
- Emote
- Energize
- Decompress
- Create
- Laugh
- Connect
- Communicate
- Hone my skills
- Cry
- Share
- Build my business
‘Writing is a VERB’ means that you can’t just talk about it. You also have to do it. Otherwise all of that talk means nothing. Or rather it means that you want to be writer or a ______ (fill in the blank), that you think about being a writer or a _______, but you don’t seem to have the balls to jump in. Or you’re too scared or too busy or too something. (and believe me, I have things like this too)
Does that sound harsh? It’s not really meant to – it’s just meant to remind us all that the means to the ends lie in the action.
This verb concept is a powerful reminder. A reminder not to be passive, but to go forth and DO.
What do you need to verbitize today?
Image credit: Arenamontanus
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Also, if you feel like hearing me wax poetic-ish on Blogging for Business and why writing is sooo important (and a bit on the Dragon Tattoo Campaign), the radio interview I did for Bonnie Marcus’ Head Over Heels show last week is live and ready for listening!
Filed under Blogging, How To, The Business, Writing | Tags: blog writing, blogger, Blogging, copywriting, love, write, writer, Writing | Comments (10)Everyone should have one of these…
A MacBook? The perfect little black dress? A grilled cheese with sharp cheddar on thick, sourdough bread fried up in at least one stick of butter?
Well, yes…everyone should have those things. But, I was thinking of something else, or rather someone else. I think everyone should have someone like my Dad. I don’t care if this person is your dad or even related to you or even a man – we’re going for essence here, people.
God bless him, my Dad is known the world over as being the consummate realist. He’ll straighten his attorney tie – to choking – on your brilliant idea before you’ve even finished hatching the plan. It’s not that he’s a pessimist. He built himself and his successful career from meager bricks, so he believes that the unthinkable can be created, that palaces can be built out of sticks. He just likes to remind you constantly of how hard it will be, the challenges up ahead, the jagged edges that threaten your path.
It’s always pissed me off, and he knows it. Remember my sponge post? I like everyone around me on my bandwagon – it makes life easier when what I’m soaking up is good, good, good – and agreeable. Naysayers be damned. Why is it necessary to bring up dog shit when we’re talking about chocolate. That’s just wrong.
Yet, it’s also a little brilliant – his realism. When I’m able to slow down (and chillax) long enough to listen to him, I always learn something that my full-steam-ahead self hadn’t taken into account. Frequently, this saves me money, time, head- and heart- ache.
So, I was shocked the other day when he responded to one of my blog posts (he subscribes and his attention is indefatigable) with this email:
I have been thinking for some time that you should put your blogs in a book and have them published. They provide food for thought about a wide variety of life issues and are fascinating to read. All you need is a good and catchy title. I am hard pressed to believe that you would be turned down. More people need to read them. Love, Dad
After my first thought: Isn’t Writing Roads a ‘good and catchy title’? I thought, Damn Straight! And, then, my third thought was: WAIT! Where’s my Dad’s realism? I read that email over and over looking for it…but I couldn’t find it. Turns out, just like my Blackberry that I lose on a regular basis, the realism was sitting in my own pocket.
I read that email about 500 more times. And watched my own version of ‘reality’ (read morose self-talk) set in. I’ll bullet point it for you:
- Um, yeah, me and every other blogger on the planet.
- Apparently I need 100,000 unique visitors/month to get a book deal via my blog – and while I’m close I’m not quite there. cough, cough, cough…
- Of course you’re saying this – you’re my dad. It’s practically your job to say this.
- The book industry is dying.
- Do dreams like this really come true? For me?
- And do you think the advance will be substantial?
He is my Dad. So I can blame him for my realism upchuck; I did learn it from him. This apple didn’t fall far.
But this isn’t some psychobabble themed post about how badly our parents screwed us up. Quite the opposite.
The point is: How good is my life? Someone that’s known me for 36 years, 5 months and 3 days – for every second I’ve been here; someone that’s seen me through the good and the bad, the tattoos and the loser, high school drop-out boyfriends, the time I snuck out in the middle of the night and nearly gave him a heart attack, the hayride through the Himalayas that is a woman’s life in the 90′s and 00′s. That someone thinks I’m good, thinks the world would benefit from what I love to do and share, thinks it’s practically a gimme it’s so reasonable that this dream should come to fruition.
The answer is: My life is very good. And so is my Dad. And, “HEY PUBLISHERS! At least one person is going to buy my book!!!”
So…let’s get on it.
Image credit: tedkerwin
Filed under Blogging, Writing | Tags: blog, Blogging, book, book publishing, dad, love, publishing, support, Writing | Comments (8)The LOVE ebook
I’m delighted to present you with a fantastic new option for Valentine’s Day. This one doesn’t die or wilt (flowers), it doesn’t harm trees (greeting cards) and it doesn’t cause a sugar high, a sugar low or unsightly poundage (candy).
The LOVE ebook is your long-lasting, eco-friendly, calorie-free alternative, though I won’t lie and tell you it’s not full of sugar. Because it is – by way of many beautiful love-inspired poems, photos and works of art from a spirited group of writers and artists. The stunning design comes by way of Kyle Lacy of Brandswag.
The goal of The LOVE ebook? To spread happiness & positivity and to make a difference for people struggling with the recession.
Because I want everyone to have access to the good stuff, The LOVE ebook is available for FREE download below, but I strongly encourage you to take a moment to CLICK HERE and make a donation to Career Gear as well. As a national non-profit, Career Gear helps men find jobs and keep them through skills training, interview clothing and relationship building.
Career Gear has been so wonderful to work with…gracious, supportive, excited. John Sanful, Executive Director of Career Gear, says it so well:
“Career Gear is thrilled to be receiving the proceeds from The LOVE ebook. Clients of Career Gear learn self-confidence and motivation. After gaining employment they continue to work on themselves and improving their relationships; professional and personal. The LOVE ebook is about relationships as well. Enjoy The LOVE ebook and cherish the relationships around you. Career Gear is honored to be associated with this project and is so grateful for this outpouring of support for our organization.”
Download The LOVE ebook….and then head over to Career Gear to make a donation – every little bit helps! Remember The LOVE ebook will only be available from February 11th to February 14th.
Want to do more? Help promote the book! Just grab the following code for these banners and blog about it…or Tweet, or Facebook, and on and on! Thank you all….
For 728 x 90 banner, copy text below.
Filed under Blogging, Myth or Reality, Networking, News, Social Media | Tags: art, Blogging, career gear, charity, Julie Roads, love, photography, poetry, recession, social media, the love ebook, unemployment, unique valentine's day gift, valentine's day, Writing Roads | Comments (20)
The LOVE ebook: love creations and real support for those hit by the recession
Image by Swamibu
The LOVE ebook: love creations and real support for those hit by the recession
WHAT IS THE LOVE EBOOK?
In an effort to focus on the good stuff – and help out in tough times – The LOVE ebook for charity is filled with LOVE poems, photos and artwork and it’s hitting the ‘net just in time for Valentine’s day. The beautiful composition, designed by Kyle Lacy and his crew at Brandswag, will be posted here for download from February 11th through the 14th – (would make an awesome Valentine’s gift, eh?)
Is it Free?
The LOVE ebook will be available for free, but we are also offering you the option to make a donation for your download – could be for $1 or $1000 – that’s entirely up to you.
Where will the money go?
All of the money raised will be donated to Career Gear (for men and their families) – a national non-profit organization that helps people find, get and keep jobs through career skills training, interview training, proper attire, etc… Times are tough, and I wanted to pick an organization that worked hard and compassionately to help our country’s workforce. (and Career Gear has been so wonderful to work with!!!)
How will you spread the word?
Anyone that knows me, knows that I’m obsessed with Twitter. We will certainly Twitterize the heck out of this thing. We’re also looking to all of you – whether you participate as an artist, writer, donor or reader to spread the word. I’ll use Pitch Engine for PR. We would love it if you would post something on your blog just link back to us here. Please tell all your peeps across every network you’ve got.
The Launch
The LOVE ebook will be available for download here, on the Writing Roads blog from February 11th through the 14th. We’ll do all we can to spread the word and raise some money for good and we hope you will too!
THANK YOU ALL FOR BEING HERE AND HELPING IN EVERY WAY YOU CAN!
We just know this is going to be a blast.
Filed under How To, Networking, News | Tags: art, artists, career gear, charity, donations, dress for success, ebook, job finding, love, photography, poems, poetry, recession, recession help, writers | Comments (16)
