Into every life, a little Michiko Kakutani must fall.
Does anyone know who Michiko Kakutani is? If you do, you get a gold star for the day. Wear it loud and proud on your forehead.
In my world (because she is bigger than this), she was the New York Times book editor that reviewed Carrie Bradshaw’s book on Sex and the City. It was a glowing review by all accounts, save one. At the very end, Michiko Kakutani said something the tiniest bit negative. It was a blade of grass in a very large field. That appeared as big as a Redwood to Carrie.
{Before I go any further, I should mention that a certain someone, who will remain anonymous for his own safety, recently told me that Carrie Bradshaw was a fictional character. Au contraire, mon frère, she’s actually hyper-real since she’s the collective reality of several brilliant, brilliant writers. So there. The above scenario really happened. Or it could have, and it does…all. the. time.}
As writers (and parents and mechanics and chefs and humans…), we’re fantastic editors and critics – of other people and of course, of ourselves. Our ears have somehow been tuned to catch the particular cacophony of criticism.
Feedback
I gave a presentation a couple of weeks ago, and the organization kindly sent me the feedback they’d collected from their surveys. Virtually all of the comments were positive, there was just one negative comment. And it was all I could see. Poor me and Carrie Bradshaw – and possibly all of you.
When I realized what I was doing, I got the brilliant idea to swing the other way. Ignore it! I thought. Throw that negative comment far, far away. But that wasn’t really the solution either. So, I shored up my fragile ego, opened my ears and eyes wide, and read the negative comment again. And I found something helpful there. Something that might make me better at what I do.
Huh.
It wasn’t an attack. It was someone’s actual experience…and it was as real as Carrie Bradshaw. It was still my choice as to whether or not I would change my presentation to match this person’s experience, I’d have to explore whether it would be beneficial for the me and the rest of my audience, but it was certainly interesting to explore the possibility without my defenses standing at attention.
And what about the praise? What about the gobs of love and goo that were also beating down the doors? While they so spinelessly let the crap in, my internal gates seem to be unwavering, stalwart even, when it comes to denying entrance to the good. Apparently, I had managed to turn the volume on the praise waaaaaay down.
Huh. Again.
I wonder if I could open my eyes and ears to the praise, too? Can I believe that the good stuff is also (gasp) real? And how would it transform my future work to really take it in? Not just in an ‘Oh, thanks!’ kind of way, but in a really soak it up and digest it kind of way. I can’t help but think that it would fortify that ego of mine, enabling it to weather the negative criticism to come and absorb it (and use it) with a fair and equanimous ear, eye…and heart.
Image credit: afsart
Filed under How To | Tags: creative writing, criticism, how to write, judgment, praise, Writing | Comments (4)good customer service (when it’s all so personal)
This morning I attended a great networking event about customer service. A panel of both seasoned and seedling women business owners shared their experiences about how to make customer service work. And the panel was moderated by Bonnie Marcus, an inspired business coach. www.womenssuccesscoaching.com
They all had wonderfully insightful things to say:
1. practice active listening
2. always find a solution – even if it can’t be the solution your client is looking for
3. acknowledge and validate your client’s experience
But, the one that is totally ‘stuck in my craw’ (if you can tell me what show that quote is from, I will make you brownies), was this one cccrrrraaaaazzzzzyyyyyyy word: DETACH.
I know! As writers, designers, small business owners, how do we not take things personally when criticism or dissatisfaction comes our way? How do we step back and say to ourselves, “oh, she’s unhappy about word choice, but not with me.” That is so hard. For me, I am my words. This is my blood, sweat and tears (and my laughter, connection and joy).
I manage, somehow, because I have to. I act like an adult, I stand up for myself, I admit where I’m wrong, I problem solve – and I feel better for being a ‘big’ person. I get through it – I do everything I listed above – because everyone’s experience is real, and I’m human too, I get it. A wiffle ball bat and a big cushion for when that phone call is over…well, that helps too.
How do you do it? How do you detach so that you can provide professional and great customer service to your clients when there is a negative issue.
Filed under How To, The Business | Tags: copywriting, criticism, customer service, Marketing, professionalism, small business owner, Writing | Comment (0)
