Conflicted novocaine
Not too long ago, I heeded the call of Chris Brogan, wrote a post called Telling Stories, and as a result, received – hands down – the best book on writing and living I’ve ever read, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. Buy it, rent it, borrow it – I don’t care. Just read it. It’s about story – what it is, how to write it and how to live it. It is breathtaking and lifemaking, this book.
I’m going to read it several times. I have to. After the first go through, almost every single page is dog-eared because there’s something on it that I want to go back to, practice, write about, inhale, absorb…again. And probably again.
The page that is stuck in my mind this morning is the one about conflict – and about how it has to happen.
Remember in January when I wrote that post called, Write it and it will come? My goal (and many of you eagerly took this on with me) was to write, on a morningly basis, what I wanted to come true for me in the next hour, day, week, month, year, lifetime.
It was a good idea. Though/but/and – it was focused purely on positivity, on all of the good things we wanted to happen to us. And Donald Miller points out that all good stories have conflict. The conflict, says Donald, is what moves the story, and hence, the person in the story, to action, to change, to something. It’s progress. We know this, of course we do, but it’s a difficult and unusual task to write your own conflict into your own story. Who does that???
If you look, you’ll see that conflict is almost ever-present. In things as small as the fact that I’m freezing (literally shivering and teeth-chattering) as I sit here soaked in sweat from my rollerblade this morning – simultaneously needing to write this down and dying to take a hot shower. In things as big as losing houses…and losing people.
Paintakers
Last winter, my heart was blown to smithereens. It brought an extraordinary amount of conflict…aka pain. There was a period of time when the pain was all I could see, smell, taste, hear, feel and think. Eventually and slowly, though, the pain subsided – and new things took its place: work, excitement, creativity, drive, friends, laughter – even joy. But there was something else. Something that filled up the spaces in between these pain replacers.
It was novocaine.
Have you ever injured yourself? I’ve broken 5 bones in my 36 years, and I’ve cut, burned and scraped more often than most people (or so I’ve been told). So I can tell you from experience that there is a moment after the trauma when you don’t feel anything. Your body protects you from the searing agony – sometimes for a second, sometimes for longer.
Biology is brilliant
I love figuring out the biological reasons the body has for doing things. Like the fact that we have hair under our arms to keep us warm (this knowing makes shaving less annoying for me). And like the fact that I still can’t figure out why women have to bloat and swell to menstruate (this unknowing pisses me off – a lot - on a monthly basis).
In the case of the heartbreak, I’m fairly certain my body (and mind) infused me with novocaine to protect myself from further pain. Plain and simple. ‘If she can’t feel’, it said, ‘then she can’t get hurt.’ How sweet is that? And it’s an interesting solution. But uncomfortable – for me. I’m a Cancer. I’m a woman. I’m ruled by the Moon. Feeling things is my food, my manna, my blood, my oxygen. I don’t do numb well. Not at the dentist, not when I got a spinal to have my baby. Not now. When I’m numb, my feet can’t find the floor.
More than pain
At first, I tried a few things to get beyond the novocaine. Yes, by all means, go ahead and imagine an 8-year old boy smacking his face after getting a cavity filled to see how hard he has to hit himself to feel his cheek again.
Then, I tried to embrace it. To enjoy not feeling too much, to enjoy not feeling pain.
Yesterday, however, I realized that this was just another source of conflict. Between the part of me that wants the numbness and protection and the part of me that longs to feel – and love – again. Even if it hurts. The thing about conflict – and Donald Miller is astoundingly correct – is that it pushes a decision in the story you’re writing, the story you’re living.
Because don’t forget – the conflict – begets more. It moves you to another place. This isn’t a case of choosing numbness or pain. It’s choosing to feel, in order to move forward and beyond. In the story I’ve been writing (subconsciously) the ‘feeling’ was bound to be full of pain. There might be some, I think we’ve established that. But there are many, many feelings up for grabs out there in this world withOUT novocaine.
I imagine the end of my book – or at least this chapter. I’m laying on my bed, you can only see my wrist and my hand. It’s holding a syringe filled with novocaine. Slowly, my hand releases its grip and the needle rolls off my palm and crashes to the floor. But I didn’t let go in a tremor of pain – my hand opens in the throes of sheer ecstasy.
Image credit: justgrimes
Filed under How To, Myth or Reality, Writing | Tags: a million miles in a thousand years, Chris Brogan, conflict, donald miller, story, writer, Writing | Comments (14)Our web connection, my blog setup and your blog writing
Our Web Connection
They don’t call this a web for nuthin’. We’re all connected, sometimes in strange ways, by its invisible strings.
Seriously, the number of times that I write something, then read another post and blink with surprise that my message is right there on someone else’s blog wrapped up in different words – is astounding. The reverse is also true, just look at the comments in my posts – it seems at least once a day someone links me to a brilliant post they wrote that connects right in or exclaims, ‘I was just thinking/writing/talking about this!”
I absolutely love this. To me, it’s like the air around us is ripe with these ideas and we’re all just plucking them off the tree and making them ours. To share this brain and thought process with so many other people is like getting to swim in that pool with the pods in it in Cocoon – I think it actually feeds us and makes us better. Sometimes it even glows.
So, I was not shocked when I woke up this morning and saw Chris Brogan’s post on the necessity of purpose and focus for your blog, when I was sitting here with the guts of a post with a similar vein. My post is about my blog and about yours…
My Blog Setup
Well, really my whole site. Way back when I started my copywriting business, I thought it was all about the website – so I got one. And I loved it. When I quickly discovered the world of blogging, I dove in full force – for my clients – helping them write and leverage this platform for their own businesses. But I didn’t blog for myself.
Eventually, the uber-talented illustrator, Elizabeth Whelan – after hearing me go on and on about what blogging could do for a shared client we had, asked me where my blog was. Uh, er, um, well… She told me she wouldn’t speak to me again until my blog was up and running. THANK YOU, Elizabeth. I pulled a WordPress blog onto the writingroads.com site and my life hasn’t been the same since.
And then, recently, I’ve been finding myself in another one of these ‘do as I say, not as I do’ situations. I’m telling people left and right…
- to just build a blog, not a traditional website
- and add static pages
- for SEO purposes
- for ease of use, content management
- for UI (user interface) or VEO (visitor enhanced optimization)
- to use plugins for expansion and growth
- to maximize sidebar real estate
And the whole time, I’m eyeballing my blog with a sideways glance. The cobbler has no shoes, the therapist’s family is full of nutjobs, and yes, the blogger’s blog is out of whack.
So, finally, with the help of the lovely, Shauna Callaghan, I’ve redone my site – the right way. You might not even notice, because it’s likely you didn’t ever click on those typewriter keys up above that shot you over to the ‘web’site and off the blog. But now when you click on them, they keep you here whilst showcasing my work and services. And www.writingroads.com gets you here now as well (no more need for writingroads.com/blog). Ahhh…c’est fini! (besides the incessant tweaking I’m doing). My wish is that it’s easier now for visitors to know who I am and what I do…
What does your blog/site need? How can you tweak it so to perform better?
Your Blog Writing
The other thing on my mind is your blog. This morning, when I tweeted CB’s post about blog focus and purpose, I added this: “(and if you need help focusing/purposing, call me)” – and several people responded with messages that looked something like, “Please help me!!!” in varying degrees of agony.
So, I thought it was worth putting it out there, but this time here: I help you figure out the blogosphere by helping you answer these questions:
- What is my blog’s purpose?
- What is my blog’s theme?
- How do I define and rein in my scope?
- What do I write about?
- How do I write it?
- How do I focus my content and outreach?
- Should I talk to other bloggers?
- Which ones?
- How do I do that?
- What plugins do I need?
- What is a plugin?
- Do I need to use Twitter and Facebook?
- How do I ______? (fill in the blank)
- …and on and on.
Let me know if you need help…after all, with the way this web connectivity thing is going, you were probably just thinking about all of this anyway…
Image credit: Jeff Smallwood
Filed under Blogging, Critical Copywriting, How To, The Business | Tags: blog, blog content, blog purpose, blog setup, blog strategy, blog writing, Blogging, Chris Brogan, copywriting, social media, social media marketing, Writing | Comments (18)Telling Stories…
Several months ago, I made a decision to enact a massive change in my life. It was so big, in fact, that it could have destroyed me. But I wasn’t really up for that. So, I took the only kind of control that I could. I wrote the story of how I wanted the transformation to go.
I wrote about it every day, from the moment I decided to make the shift until the moment I pressed the button. I wrote in great detail the events as I wished them to happen – and, as if I was writing and reading a novel, I both infused and experienced the words that I typed with the emotions I wanted them to carry.
I crafted my own story. And it worked. I would say that 97% of it came true…and that there’s still time for the other 3% to rise up from my computer screen and march right into this room. I’m quite sure it will.
And then, on January 1… I invited you to join me in a daily exercise to write how you wanted the year, month, week, day, next hour to go as a way of taking some kind of control. At that time, I hadn’t seen my story-writing come to fruition yet, I was going on blind faith – and an absolute refusal to give up.
I will readily admit to you that I haven’t done this everyday – at all. In fact, life got busy and I let it push me around, from meeting to deadline to to-do to success to defeat, and back around again.
And then, I got it.
In one of my favorite movies, The Holiday, Eli Wallach says to Kate Winslet (care of Nancy Meyers who wrote the screenplay): “In the movies we have leading ladies and we have the best friend. You, I can tell, are a leading lady, but for some reason you are behaving like the best friend.”
When we don’t write our own story, when we let other people, or simply life, write it for us, we play small, we become the best friend. And THIS, good people, is NOT the time for THAT.
So, go! Write, design, create…and then follow your script. It shouldn’t be too hard, you already know it by heart.
**********************************************
This post emerged in response to Chris Brogan’s call for posts about the importance of story in our lives. There’s a chance I’ll get a free copy of a phenomenal sounding book, Donald Miller’s A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, out of it. But if I don’t, I’ve already got it cued up on my Nook…because I think it’s our stories that make this place go ’round – and, besides, CB always gives good book.
Image credit: ATIS547
Go get it.
I had the good fortune of meeting Chris Brogan on Tuesday night…and to listen to him tell story after story, all of them heavy with hidden ideas and more than a fair bit of laughter. One in particular keeps playing in my head…
Chris’ phone rings and he answers. A pipe fitter or roofer or something of that nature is on the other end, chewing his dinner loudly into the phone.
In between chomps, slurps and smacks, he tells Chris, “Someone told me I should call you.” Chew, swallow. “That you might be able to help me.” Burp, gulp. “Do you think I should have you help me or should I invest in some of those door hangers (I would call this door knob spam – see picture to the left)?”
“Door hangers,” said Chris. “Go with the door hangers.”
There’s an obvious lesson here about saying no. That even as freelancers or starving artists, and even in these dismal economic times, it’s important to just say no to the guy chewing in your ear, the guy that doesn’t get it. And by ‘it’ I mean: you, what you do, the value of your work and what he should be doing with his marketing money.
But, this story reeks of something else. Because when you sit around and wait for the phone to ring (not implying that Chris was doing that – this is an extrapolation, people), you’re likely to get some real crap. Or at the very least, you’ll get something passing as ‘okay’ but not what you really want. (Of course, a beautiful goose might also randomly waddle over, squat and lay a golden egg on your doorstep – but that’s another post).
I think Brogan’s story is a bit of a call to action. Who do you want to work with? What do you want to write? What do you want to do? Go get it. Make it happen. And make it happen the way you want it to. Seek, search, pull ‘em in.
Chris had a choice, and he took it. And those door hangers? I always throw them in the trash.
Image credit: CogDogBlog
Check out the latest interview on The Daily Norm: Alexa DiCarlo, Sex Educator, Sex Worker & Sex Worker Rights Activist
The Daily Norm
You know the big fiction fallout of ’09? The one where I decided that fiction just wasn’t for me? Well, it sent me on a mission to capture the non-fiction, blogging and writing that I truly adore. And one of the things that I gravitate towards are other people’s stories…
Why? Because as a writer, I’ve been trained – since birth – to look at other people and write their story in my head. Seriously, have you ever met a How to Write book that doesn’t tell you to go sit in a cafe and write character sketches of everyone that walks by the window?
Yeah, well, I do this with a vengeance. And the people around me either a) beg me to stop staring, b) think I need to get a hobby, or c) jump in to the speculative fantasy with me.
Honestly, though – and this is part of the reason that I’m not writing fiction – my own fabrications are just never enough. I actually want to know the truth about the ten 20-somethings sitting around the table at the Early Girl Eatery in Asheville, NC. I want to know how old they are, where they went to college, who’s sleeping with who, who has a broken heart.
I kid you not, I’ve had friends hold me back from walking up to the table. I seriously want to know about these people, and frankly, I’m not too shy to ask.
So, I’ve found an outlet. It’s a new blog that I’ve created, and it’s called The Daily Norm wherein I talk to all different kinds of people and ask them questions about what it really is like to be them – on a normal day. They’re people that fascinate me because of what they do and how they live – and my goal is that by learning about their lives a bit, we (you and I) will be educated, informed and inspired.
I’m kicking this puppy off with interviews from an Ironman, an environmental scientist (who is presenting his model on climate control to the UN momentarily), theatrical educators and the one and only Chris Brogan.
To find out a bit more about how this all got started, you can read What is The Daily Norm? (An about page that could easily be a post on this blog…)
And if you know anyone (yourself included) that you think would be a good interview, go to Interview Fodder.
Believe me, I know we all have busy lives, so The Daily Norm will publish one interview per week. On Thursday mornings. Because I’ve always thought Thursday was the coolest day. (and Monday is Monday, Tuesday’s just kind of blah, Hump Day would be too obvious and Friday is happy enough on its own).
I cherish every single one of you…and I’m delighted to invite you over to my new pad. Thanks y’all, for checking it out.
Filed under Blogging, News | Tags: blog, Blogging, Chris Brogan, interviews, Julie Roads, the daily norm, Writing | Comments (5)Your Internet-Reality Dictionary
One of the kings of social media, Chris Brogan, has just published a brilliant article about people in the real world.
He talks about how those of us who live in this web world need to remember that the majority of the people we interact with offline aren’t online. And/but that fact should not deter us from sharing the internet with them.
These two points define my business. Personally, because when I leave you all, my daily achievements online aren’t all that translatable. Professionally, because my clients often look at me with fear, confusion or a blank stare when I mention words like blog, online social media and site traffic.
The key, Chris points out, is to explore the internet with these clients from their La-Z-Boy recliners, in other words, where they’re most comfortable. He gives some great examples that I’m going to expand upon. The point is that we, as internet marketing people, can show these reality-based folk that they already have the tools and resources – we’re just going to repurpose them. Think of this as your Internet-Reality Dictionary.
What you have: Real World — What you could have: Web World
Newsletter Blog
Networking Groups Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.
Mailings (via the USPS) Email marketing/communication
Staff writers Bloggers
Industry Experts Bloggers
Radio and TV ads Viral video, vlogs, podcasts
Loud Speaker Email & Blog
Print product surveys Online product surveys
Marketing Department Online Marketing Department
PR Director Director of Community Development
Phone help center Company Wiki
Additions from readers:
Chris Ramsay: Water Cooler Gossip = Facebook, Twitter, IM’s, etc.
Deb: Phone calls = IMs
Research Library = Wikipedia/Google
Typewriter = Laptop
Endless meetings = Thank heaven, no parallel!
Endless meetings = Endless Web Ex and endless Skype – thank heavens for backside chat.
Happy Hour = Tweetup
Product Demo or Seminar = Webinar
________________________
Is it just me or does the internet pile look like the real pile on steroids. Its a no-brainer and it will take your business outreach global, quickly.
Chris asks us to be the people to share the internet and all that it has to offer. You are on, Chris – one of my favorite things to do.
I’d love to add your additions to the dictionary…bring ‘em on!
Filed under Blogging, How To, Networking, The Business | Tags: Chris Brogan, client relations, freelance commercial copywriter, internet marketing, marketing writer, social media | Comments (15)
